It's Getting Hairy in the 'Hai!

The Famous Hairy Crab (Photo Courtesy of Shanghai Week) 

Welcome back to the Yellow River Chronicles!   This week we celebrate Hairy Crab season with "Crabgate" and why hairy crabs are rather Chinese.  Next week, we actually take a trip to the extremely famous YangCheng Lake.

To get this thing rolling, some background.  The "hairy crab" or "mitten crab" is a delicacy here in the 'Hai.  Locals take the 1.5 hour drive out to YangCheng Lake to chomp on metric TONS of the little dudes.

Hairy crab is an excellent example of all things Chinese.  Why, you may mumble as you sit in front of your Chinese-made computer, wearing clothes (I hope!) made in China, and surrounded by a large number of Chinese-made items.  

Well, three reasons, really.   First, the way the crabs are purchased and consumed is uniquely Chinese, second, the crabs are an invasive-species in rest of the world (truth!) and third, they are subject to counterfeiting.  Yes, children's, there are FAKE crabs here in the 'Hai, as we shall demonstrate.

The Mysterious Bondage Crab (Photo Courtesy of Talk Magazine)

But let us start with how the Yellow River Staff was introduced to the hairy crab.  Last year, about this time, we began seeing dozens of bondage crabs, little green guys tied tightly with string, blowing bubbles as they lurked in tubs at all the seafood stalls.  "Hairy Crab" season, our Shanghai friends declared.  "You should eat some."


Naaaaahhhhhh, we said. We have had several matches with Shanghai seafood and always lost in the first round.

But our interest grew when we learned of Crabgate.   The staff of Dow China takes an annual trip to eat crabs during hairy crab season.  The company hosts an all expense paid bus run to famous YangCheng Lake, home of the BEST hairy crabs in all of China.  Employees get a free bus trip, a big meal of hairy crab and the traditional box of crabs to take home.

This is all very Chinese, by the way.  Bus trip!  Food!  Free gifts!   So there was a large turnout.  But all was not fun and revelry, dear leaders.  There was shame and the loss of family honor.  Read on then, this blog post of an email that appeared shortly after the trip:

Young Hu, Prior to CrabGate.

 From: Hu, Laker (LJ)

Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 5:36 PM
To: FCYRECR

Dear FCYRECR and my Dow friends in CC list,

I’d like to share with you a story of my family, which happened after my trip back from the YangCheng Lake last Saturday.

As per the trip agenda, at the end of the trip, colleagues who registered for YangCheng Lake can take 5 pairs of Crabs( female crab ~225g and male crab ~ 250g), which is clearly written in the trip agenda, public on intranet. So, I registered and confirmed the trip several weeks ago, and delighted to tell my parents that I would bring back 5 pairs of crabs after the trip, with each pair of female crab ~225g and male crab ~ 250g. My mother was pretty happy once heard the news, so a few days later, she nicely invited my sister and brother in law to come over for the crabs. Last Saturday when I was back home from the trip, my sister and brother in law had already arrived, and along with my parents waiting for me back home to cook the crab, to have a weekend family reunion dinner. As I had already knew that the crabs were smaller than what I told in my early promise, so I frankly told my family of it. Then there happened something unpleasant afterwards. My mother was quite disappointed on it, and my father also got a little upset on it. My sister and brother in law, as being guests, helped easing my parents, with no comment on it. That moment, I felt so embarrassed and guilty!!! I felt that I just cheated my parents in front of my family members, though I was innocent. But still, I couldn’t forgive myself of that at the moment! How could a son cheat his parents, and got his parents embarrassed in front of family members. I definitely couldn’t forgive myself of that. The dinner that night was long and silent for me… …

I’ve been working for Dow for 4.5 years with proud, and my Dow friends also feel proud of being a member of Dow Family. We all LOVE our company, and dedicate ourselves to the company. Hereby, I’d like to take the chance to talk something about my parents as well. My parents are also proud of their son, me, being an employee of Dow Chemical. I can see their proud from their smiles when I get off work back home everyday, I can hear their proud from their conversation with the neighbors in my community, I can feel their proud from my heart deeply, as I am my parents’ son.

Dow has company vision of being a respectful company in the world, and I’ve been taking every of my efforts on building up company’s credibility in all aspects, and I am so sure that all my Dow friends are proud of doing the same thing as me. I am now worrying that the unpleasant thing happened to my family members last Saturday might cause potential negative opinions or comments to my family, to my friends, or even to my community, however, I trust that the company will give me a acceptable reason to explain, which I can bring it back to my family.

Thank you so much for your time on reading above, and your concerning on the matter in advance.

Last but not least, for my Dow friends who have similar concerns with me, thank you for your supporting on me, I appreciate if you also can have your voice heard by the company.

Sincerely, Laker

Back to Our Story:

Such is the beginning of Crabgate. The controversy echoed through the halls of TDCC China Central in Shanghai as the employees shared and debated the article. Was Laker entitled to a crab rebate? Should the President of TDCC China call his parents and apologize? How big were the crabs, really, and what did the flyer for the trip mean as an actual contract? How will he ever recover from this loss?

While the debate scuttled like ragged claws across the floor on noisy seas, we at the YRC imaged the homecoming scene:

The scene, a small apartment in Shanghai. The parents have decorated the living/dining room in honor of the son's return, the plates have been laid on the table and the family has discussed at length the enthusiasm for eating hairy crab.

The door opens and young Hu strides into the room to shouts and applause. The box of crabs is triumphantly opened. The group falls silent as the tiny, bound crabs bounce out on the kitchen table. After a moment of disbelief, the mother collapses in tears and the father points his finger angrily at this son. The siblings hang their heads in dismay at the tragedy that is unfolding before them.

"We were promised 225 gram females and 250 gram males! You worthless dogshead! You spineless nitwit! These are probably only 200 grams! Your company's credibility is at risk and you have cheated your family." 

 

Mother Hu goes to the kitchen to cook the tiny crabs and sobs quietly as their tiny bodies fall into the pot. The table falls silent. Young Hu covers his face in desperation. How could this happen? What had he done wrong?

Well, that's the way we imagine it happened, anyway. You can make up your own version of the scene if you want, and have family members play the five parts.

As it turns out, Young Hu eventually left the company. Apparently, his Shanghai colleagues tormented him with "your crabs are too small" commentary until he was forced to find a smaller company with more honorable intentions.

So Crabgate drew the YRC staff's attention to hairy crab season. Apparently, it was more than just autumnal crustacean slaughter. Drama? Ridicule? Draw closer and tell us more, please.

The Second Reason:

The second item that makes hairy crabs uniquely Chinese is that they are loved in China but considered invasive elsewhere: This from good old Wikipedia:

Mitten/Hairy Crabs as Invasive species

This species has been spread to North America and Europe, raising concerns that it competes with local species, and its burrowing nature damages embankments and clogs drainage systems.[3][4] The crabs can make significant inland migrations. It was reported in the London Evening Standard in 1995 that the residents of Greenwich saw Chinese mitten crabs coming out of the River Thames and moving towards the High Street, and other reports indicate that the crabs have been known to take up residence in swimming pools. In some places the crabs have been found hundreds of miles from the sea. There is concern in areas with a substantial native crab fishery, such as the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland and the Hudson River in New York(both locations where the crabs were first spotted in 2005), as the impact of the invasion by this species on the native population is unknown.[5]

It is generally illegal to import, transport, or possess live Chinese mitten crabs in the United States,[6] as accidental release or escape risks spreading these crabs to uninfested waters. In addition, some states may have their own restrictions on possession of mitten crabs.[7] California allows fishing for mitten crabs with some restrictions.[8]

The Chinese mitten crab has been introduced into the Great Lakes several times, but have not yet been able to establish a permanent population.[9]

The Smithsonian is tracking the spread of the Chinese mitten crab and seeking help to determine the current distribution status of the mitten crab in the Chesapeake Bay region. People are encouraged to report any mitten crab sightings, along with details (date, specific location, size) and a close-up photograph or specimen if possible. The first confirmed record along the East coast of the United States, was in the Chesapeake Bay near Baltimore, Maryland in 2005.[10]
Hairy Crab Invasion Alert!

So, listen UP, people. If you spot a boundage crab swimming laps in your pool or shopping on the High Street in London for rope, CALL THE SMITHSONIAN IMMEDIATELY!

I understand that they are working on a new version of Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London" called "Werecrabs of London" that goes something like this:

I saw a crab with a Chinese menu in his hand
walking sideways through the streets of Soho in the rain.
He was lookin for the place called Lee Ho Fooks, gonna get a big dish of snow crab mein.

Chorus:
Aaahoo, werecrabs of London
Aaahoo(2x)

Ya hear him clickin' around your kitchen door, ya better not let him in.
Little old lady got masticated late last night, werecrabs of London again.

Chorus 2x

He's the hairy, hairy crab, who ran amok in Bath.
Lately he's been scuttling 'round in Mayfair.
You better stay away from him, he'll rip your lungs out Jim.
Huh, I'd like to cook him later.

Chorus 2x

Well, I saw Lon Chaney walkin with the queen, looking for werecrabs of London.
I saw Lon Chaney Jr. walkin with the queen, doin the werecrab of London
I saw a werecrab drinkin a pina colada at Trader Vic's
And his hair was perfect.

ahhhooooo, werecrabs of London
Drawn Butter!

In case you are not familar with the classic Zevon tune, here is the link to see a video of Mr. Zevon and band in action:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x19tph_warren-zevon-werewolves-of-london_fun

Lets Wrap this Up, Rockstars!!


The third item that makes hairy crabs uniquely Chinese is because the are highly valued in China, they are subject to counterfeiting or fakes. Here's the scoop from good old Shanghaiist.

Bootleg crabs mar another hairy crab season

By Benjamin Cost

The annual scourge of bootleg hairy crabs, one of China's most notorious counterfeit items, will ensure that you have a less than merry Autumn hairy crab season.

Each fall, hairy crab pirates duplicate China's most coveted crustacean: the Yangcheng Lake hairy crab, an expensive delicacy prized for its sweet, delicate meat.

Unfortunately for the Yangcheng Lake Hairy Crab Association, shanzai crabs are here to stay, unlike shanzai phones which are on their way out: the counterfeit market for hairy crabs is ten times greater than that for authentic hairy crabs. Just ask local crabber Xing, who says, "Everything is being counterfeited. There's nothing you can do about it. And you can't control it."

And believe us, the Yangcheng Lake Hairy Crab Association has tried everything from hiking up the price by 10 to 20 percent in 2010 to giving every shipment a 12-digit security code. This year, they distributed 15 million plastic "crab authentication" tags complete with serial numbers and a toll-free number to help customers distinguish their crabs from the fugazis.

Did we mention that sellers have even taken to using lasers to etch serial numbers onto the crabs themselves? The hairy crab black market is not to be toyed with, apparently.

Even still, the authenticity tags aren't entirely trustworthy, as many tagged crabs don't even originate in Yangcheng Lake, located 3km northeast of Suzhou. Many crabs spend only half a year before the harvest at Yangcheng Lake, since six months is the minimum period required for a crab to get its Yangcheng Lake bona fides. Increasingly, more and more alien crabs will have to be imported to the lake due to nearby human development interrupting crab breeding patterns (after all, the lake's just a short train ride from Shanghai).

Let's Wrap this Up, Rockstars!

So before you tear into that big plate of hairy crabs or invite one back to your house for a pina colada and a little bondage action, be sure to CHECK the TAB, kids, or look for the lasered security codes on the back. They are not what they seem!

And check the tags we will, until next week as the YRC staff actually heads to Yangcheng Lake to check this out personally! See ya then, and remember, if you like the YRC, forward it to someone else with time on their hands. Thanks again!

Indiana YRC and the Temple of Bling

Jing 'An at Night.  Note the central rotating neon thingy.

Twelve hours in the future, it is a sunny, cracking with energy sort of day.  The smell of incense is in the air at the YRC because it's time to go to the temple!.  Jing 'An, temple of course, is the oldest, newest and brightest temple in the spiritual firmament here in the good old 'Hai.



Before we head out there we have two housekeeping items:

Access to the YRC.  Anyone, and everyone, has access to the YRC.  It's public, kids, so there is no need for the YRC staff to "add someone to the mailing list" unless, of course, they just like to be reminded.  Just send a new YRCer a link to the Blog and they are on-line.  The Blog is completely and totally open to the public and is on-line 24 hours a day.
The link is simply "thekrezchronicles.blogspot.com".

Here's a real link, if you want to copy and paste:                
Check here once a week on Friday for the Yellow River Chronicles

Thanks for listening in a sharing the wonder of the YRC with friends and family. Now, the second item, an update:

Food Scandal Bingo Update:   The discoveries of terrible materials in terrible places are getting too frequent to keep up with in the 'Hai.   Recent discoveries include cancer-causing fake shampoo, radioactive materials in offices, cancer-causing Shanghai fog, yada yada.  But a new one was the discovery of "rare earth" materials in tea.  Here's the article for Shanghaiist, a good place to keep up on the news in China:

19 oolong tea brands, including Lipton, found to be toxic

Resist the temptation to reach out for Lipton Tieguanyin the next time you see it along supermarket aisles.

China's quality watchdog, the General Administration of Quality Supervision, Inspection and Quarantine, says that 19 products, including Lipton Tieguanyin (pictured on the right) have been found to contain excessive levels of potentially harmful rare-earth minerals in a random check of 58 oolong products from Shanghai, Beijing, Jiangsu, Zhejiang, Anhui, Fujian and Guangdong. Five of these brands are manufactured by Shanghai-based companies and they are: Mingfeng, Jiaranlu, Zhengxiangyuan, Cuiming and Shenxin.

The offending labels all exceeded the maximum 2 milligrams per kilogram limit for rare-earth mineral content stipulated under Chinese law. Rare earth is said to help raise output and improve the flavour of the tea, but excessive use can be harmful to health, especially to the bones, said the watchdog.

Now here's the real kicker, if you're ready for it:

The Shanghai Bureau of Quality and Technical Supervision remained silent yesterday. Last month it inspected some locally produced teas but found no rare-earth content or other problems. Two brands were found to have less net weight than stated on the package, according to inspectors.

UPDATE: Lipton has recalled its toxic tea.

WE NOW RETURN TO THE REGULARLY SCHEDULED COLUMN...

Central Courtyard

Now, on to the Temple!  This review of the Jing 'An Temple from Frommers:

Always lively and crowded, this garishly decorated temple has the longest history of any shrine in Shanghai (about 17 centuries, though the shopping annex is considerably more recent, as is the 63m/207-ft.-tall gold pagoda at the back, completed in 2010). 


The temple's chief antiquities are a Ming Dynasty copper bell (the Hongwu Bell) that weighs in at 3,175 kilograms (3.5 tons) and stone Buddhas from the Northern and Southern States period (A.D. 420-589). Although its name means "Temple of Tranquillity," it is hardly the place for quiet meditation these days, nor was it in the past. 


Before 1949, this was Shanghai's richest Buddhist monastery, presided over by the Abbott of Bubbling Well Road (Nanjing Xi Lu, as it was known in colonial times because of a well that was located in front of the temple), an imposing figure who kept seven mistresses and a White Russian bodyguard.

Take that, Dali Lama!  Garish, my saffron robes!!  The YRC staff rolled through the Jing 'an Temple recently during one of our Tours de  Hai.  Often at night we can see the Vegas-like glow of the Temple until the Shanghai "Lights Out, Comrades" at 11:00 in the p of m.  So, we were...curious.

As Frommer's reports, to visit the Temple is to step from the manic madness of the nearby shopping center (The Temple is part of the the shopping center, actually) and enter the madness that is the courtyard of the temple.

I got your serenity...right here!

In the temple, three primary rites by the worshipers were observed.   The first was the offering of incense. In this rite, incense was purchased at the temple and then lit in the central burners.   A bow was made in each of the four directions of the compass.  The incense was then placed in a burner as an offering.  This being Shanghai, of course, there was quite a bit of action, similar to the trading floor of the Chicago Board of Trade, as worshipers were elbowing their way to a free space to bow and meditate in a chaotic frenzy of serenity seeking.

Aim high and duck!

The second rite was the offering of coins for good luck.  Small change is placed in the hand and then hurled skywards towards the central iron pagoda.   As best the YRC staff could determine, the amount of luck depended on which level of the central tower the coin reached, so considerable force was being used to reach the top of the pagoda.

The air was filled the sound of pinging metal and ricocheting yuan coins zipping through the air like spiritual shrapnel from the quest for good fortune.   Worshipers had to advance across the central courtyard under a constant hail of small change fire as they sought space to bow and achieve tranquility.




The third ritual was the giving of gifts to the gods as offerings.  It has been our observation that things are very well-packaged in Shanghai. As part of the traditions of the Bling Dynasty, an offering or gift should have an inner box and an outer box.  The colors should have lots of red and gold and there should be something expensive looking inside, be it cookies, or cakes or incense.

So while the gods themselves received a small package of snacks, the actual offering generated a small mountain of empty red boxes that piled up just out of range of the hail of coins.  Recycling has not quite caught on in Shanghai, unfortunately.

After nearly nine minutes under fire from the coins, we decided to retreat from the free-fire zone of the central courtyard.  Having visited the gods, observed the rites, dodged some coins, and burned some incense, the YRC staff went in search of amulets.  Luckily, many fine examples were to be found and victory was declared.  There are other, quieter temples that the YRC has visited that we can share in future issues.  In the meantime, as Lao Tzu said:

Humans follow Earth, 

Earth follows Heaven,

Heaven follows Tao,

Tao follows Nature.

And so this week's story ends.  Armed with fresh amulets, we made our way out of the temple, dodged the beggars haunting the doorway and vanished into the crowd as quietly as we had arrived, as the story goes.  See you next week and thanks for reading!

Home Again and Throw The Krez from the Plane!!

Home again, home again!   The Yellow River Chronicles staff has returned to faire Shanghai for a bit of R&R, some tasty noodles and to do some laundry.  And what laundry it is!  There is just no telling how many times you can wear that trusty Grateful Dead T-Shirt.  We took that question to the outer limits of test tolerance during the Napa, Naptown and Napalm tour for near entire month of October.  Why?  Well, we'll tell you as we Throw the Krez from the plane!

Originally the YRC Master plan was to leave Indianapolis for Shanghai on Sunday, October 16, drop our gear and supplies from the US tour and then grab new gear for the week-long Saigon visit. We would take a plane on Tuesday for Saigon.  But, that was NOT to be as neither our bags nor the YRC staff arrived in Saigon on schedule.

Lean closer, as we begin our cautionary tale of Life in the Visa Lane.  Listen closely while we reveal that a Certain Unnamed Member of the YRC Staff caused Another Named Member of the Staff to be unceremoniously thrown from a plane.   Yes, dear readers, the luggage did not make it to Saigon because of a staff medical intervention!  Read along as our story unfolds...

Party at the Castro Street Fair

The scene now cuts to the back story as the drama builds.  Da dum.  Dum dum.  Dum da.

The story begins in early October with four days of partying in good old San Francisco as a warm up for the wedding in Napa.   We have, of course, reported on the San Francisco/Northern California run in an earlier edition.

This repetition is not a cheap attempt to recycle old material.  Noooo, not here at the most righteous YRC!  This content is to provide rich narrative for the back story so our dear readers have all the facts.

Leaving the mayhem of Northern California behind us, we then spent another three or four days in Napa, celebrating a wonderful union (no, we still don't have the pictures yet). We toured Napa in a stretch Humvee to sample, well, gallons of wine.  This, too, we have documented, dear reader.

Rolling with the New In Laws in Wine Country

Now well-primed with ten days of solid partying on the West Coast, we headed to the Midwest and Naptown, aka, Indianapolis.   There we sampled many fine micro brews with friends and neighbors on the week prior to the Big Party.  This included small group gatherings at many fine establishments.  The momentum continued with the arrival of the family clan for the pre-post-wedding party.

To keep this relatively concise (we are still building tension thematically), as planned, we wrapped up 15 days of straight festivities at The Large Party Saturday night at the family estate on the banks of the dreamy White River.  The Party ended at one or two in the morning as the campfires burned down and the beer ran out.   There is no photographic record of the Napalm section of the tour, by the way.

We now return to our narrative.  The parts that are still in focus, of course.  Our flight for Saigon via Shanghai left quite early, so we loaded up the Mighty Rented Tahoe (thanks Doug!) and headed for the airport.  Being seasoned travelers, we arose after two hours of sleep and loaded up on multivitamins, ibuprofen, water, and other restorative potions.

We were operating with a large cumulative sleep deficit, so the short run from the hotel to the airport presented some challenges in navigation, but we safely arrived at the United Air counter.    Things seemed....hazy at the time, but we were proceeding with check-in until a large group of medics tackled your correspondent.  Apparently there was the slurring of words and the demonstration of lobotomized motor skills.  Against protests of being "fine", Team Medic ran many medical tests, asked tough questions like "Who is the President" and then pronounced the Assaulted One  "goofy" but medically in tip top shape.

This, unfortunately, was not enough for the now alert United staff.   They struck like cobras and unceremoniously yanked the YRC staff tickets.  As condition for flying the next day, there would need to be a medical test from a physician to certify the offended party of the YRC staff was able to fly.   With the EKG contacts still glued to my body, we retreated to another hotel to regroup.  Hell, we weren't going to FLY the plane, we just wanted to sleep while they drove, for Christ's sake.

During the post-mortem, we determined that one key and highly influential member of the YRC staff was concerned that the other member of the staff had finally stroked out, or....something.  To explain, one staff member's family acts immediately and assumes the worst in medical situations.  He is acting goofy, therefore let's have a large group of medics attack him and get him thrown off the plane.  The "Just to be Safe" approach, one might say.

The other party's preferred methodology (known as the "Travel Nazi") is to keep going like the Marine, carrying your dead and never stopping until you get to the top of the hill, or they kill you.  We can bandage it on the plane, after all.

True, the difference was just a matter of style, but it made for some merry discussion the next day.  You can imagine.  To keep the story moving, that afternoon the required letter was obtained at a Immediate Care Center (this being Sunday and all other things closed). We were good to go, clean and green, and flight-ready.

We returned the following early Monday to the usual horrific litany

Drawing courtesy of the Ambien Blog

As we got on the plane for the 20-hour flight, we rationed out the sleeping pills for the journey and realized.....we were one short.  The YRC staff monitors pharmaceutical inventory very closely, we must say.

The Mystery of the Goofy Non-Stroke Victim was solved!   Soooo funny.

Comedy after all, is tragedy plus time.  And next time, the vitamins and sleeping pills go in different bottles.

So, before this column puts you to sleep dear reader, we are going to pack it up.  Tune in next week when we begin our "Indiana YRC and the Temples of Gloom" tour!  Thanks for reading and be sure to check your meds!!