Hello, greetings and welcome back to this week's Yellow River Chronicles. As you may have noticed, the YRC has turned its pristine journalistic eye towards weighty topics such as pollution, credibility and tacos in Bali. We now caste our gaze on the status of "Asians" in America.
We frame the discussion with a video from Alexandra Wallace, a UCLA student, posted on YouTube. It has been "removed" but the always alert YRC research staff were able to find a pirated DVD over on Dagu Lu.
Thanks for your thoughts, Alex-An-Dra! Posted two years ago in March, this video went viral with around 1.9 million hits on YouTube. There was a storm of protest, several very funny parodies and some actual thoughtful commentary.
While nightmarish in many aspects, it video did highlight some of the friction between Asians and Americans and the poor wardrobe choices of college girls from southern California.
Two full years later (yesterday), a young student from Culver, Indiana was able to reignite the discussion with his unique analysis of "Ten Reasons Why He Would Hate to be Asian".
While it was originally thought that young Samuel Hendrickson was from Indiana Southern University or Indiana University, no Indiana college has stepped forward to claim him. Yet. But he is wearing a Notre Dame t-shirt, so who knows?
To summarize his salient points (thanks to Shanghaiist who had the courage to watch the whole thing), here are the reasons young Samuel would hate to be Asian.
Our YRC readers should be aware that efforts to work on "Ten Reasons We Would Hate to Be A Clown Car Driver From Culver, Indiana" have been hampered by the fact that no one really knows where Culver is.
This from the Culver, Indiana Chamber of Commerce (pop. 1,900):
"Amazing cuisine and classy shops enhance the appeal of Culver. Several exquisite restaurants will tempt your taste buds with a variety of foods. Some of the more surprising treats include excellent seafood, fine Italian dining, and even sushi."
You will be pleased to know that your ever-vigilant staff has actually BEEN THERE! Truth, that! While we did not try the sushi, Culver is a pleasant enough small Indiana resort town with an excellent lake and a fine Dairy Queen downtown. We saw the lake, spent some time fishing and had a Blizzard and onion rings at the Dairy Queen.
What we did not see on several visits to Culver were any short, unattractive "Asians" parading their small units around in their tighty whiteys, their eyes sealed shut from ripping bong hits after a hard day at the sweatshop as they wandered home to eat sushi, watch blurred porn and practice their kung fu.
To give some final perspective from YRC HQ, a full 25% of all expats living in China live in Shanghai (176,000). To drill on the demographics a bit, nearly half of those are also "Asian" with Japanese being the largest group. Americans, for example are 21,000 strong, our cousins the Australians are around 5,000 strong and our allies in revolution the French around 7,000 strong. So, in a city of 25 million Han Chinese, we are less than one hundredth of a percent.
This means that we don't really have much of a presence to the general population, except at a few key bar streets on Friday and Saturday nights. Or about the same percentage of "Asians" in Culver, Indiana. So tune in next week, when we tackle the "Ten Reasons A Shanghainese Would Hate to be an Expat". See you next week!
We frame the discussion with a video from Alexandra Wallace, a UCLA student, posted on YouTube. It has been "removed" but the always alert YRC research staff were able to find a pirated DVD over on Dagu Lu.
Thanks for your thoughts, Alex-An-Dra! Posted two years ago in March, this video went viral with around 1.9 million hits on YouTube. There was a storm of protest, several very funny parodies and some actual thoughtful commentary.
While nightmarish in many aspects, it video did highlight some of the friction between Asians and Americans and the poor wardrobe choices of college girls from southern California.
Two full years later (yesterday), a young student from Culver, Indiana was able to reignite the discussion with his unique analysis of "Ten Reasons Why He Would Hate to be Asian".
While it was originally thought that young Samuel Hendrickson was from Indiana Southern University or Indiana University, no Indiana college has stepped forward to claim him. Yet. But he is wearing a Notre Dame t-shirt, so who knows?
To summarize his salient points (thanks to Shanghaiist who had the courage to watch the whole thing), here are the reasons young Samuel would hate to be Asian.
Sigh. Thanks for your enlightening thoughts, Samuel, your thoughts speak for themselves. Several leading "Asian" YouTube comedians have started work on a parody/response to Mr. Hendrickson's magnum opus, similar to the efforts to parody Ms. Wallace.Most Asians look alike If he was an Asian man, he’d most likely be with an Asian woman (and he doesn’t find Asian women attractive) Sweatshops suck. Smoking pot while Asian makes would make his already-chink eyes close completely He sucks at math The only way you can be in show biz if you know kung fu or if you play an Asian mobster He’d be short. He hates sushi and it would be “everywhere” if he was Asian. [He throws in a nice use of the word "Oriental" during this segment.] Asian males don’t have a “good rep.” Schools don’t accept them any more than white males, they’re not known for being good in the bedroom, and are known for having small equipment and wear tighty-whiteys Asians blur their porn
This from the Culver, Indiana Chamber of Commerce (pop. 1,900):
"Amazing cuisine and classy shops enhance the appeal of Culver. Several exquisite restaurants will tempt your taste buds with a variety of foods. Some of the more surprising treats include excellent seafood, fine Italian dining, and even sushi."
You will be pleased to know that your ever-vigilant staff has actually BEEN THERE! Truth, that! While we did not try the sushi, Culver is a pleasant enough small Indiana resort town with an excellent lake and a fine Dairy Queen downtown. We saw the lake, spent some time fishing and had a Blizzard and onion rings at the Dairy Queen.
What we did not see on several visits to Culver were any short, unattractive "Asians" parading their small units around in their tighty whiteys, their eyes sealed shut from ripping bong hits after a hard day at the sweatshop as they wandered home to eat sushi, watch blurred porn and practice their kung fu.
To give some final perspective from YRC HQ, a full 25% of all expats living in China live in Shanghai (176,000). To drill on the demographics a bit, nearly half of those are also "Asian" with Japanese being the largest group. Americans, for example are 21,000 strong, our cousins the Australians are around 5,000 strong and our allies in revolution the French around 7,000 strong. So, in a city of 25 million Han Chinese, we are less than one hundredth of a percent.
This means that we don't really have much of a presence to the general population, except at a few key bar streets on Friday and Saturday nights. Or about the same percentage of "Asians" in Culver, Indiana. So tune in next week, when we tackle the "Ten Reasons A Shanghainese Would Hate to be an Expat". See you next week!
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