Behind the Great Firewall Lurks the YRC...

Great to see you again!  We are going to start our second year of clear-sighted journalism with some news:  You may be excited to know that you are experiencing a rare privilege that 1.4 BILLION of the People's Republic citizens will never experience.  Yes, dear readers, you are reading the Yellow River Chronicles.

Are you sure the YRC is worth worrying about, Comrade General?

For reasons of public security and general journalistic fastidiousness, perhaps, the government of China maintains an active "Great Firewall" which censors many, many websites outside of China.  This according to Wikipedia:

China defends its right to censor the Internet that the country has the right to govern the internet according to its own rules inside its borders. The white paper, released in June 2010, called the internet “a crystallization of human wisdom.” But in the document the government lays out some of the reasons why its citizens cannot get access to all of that wisdom. It says it wants to curb the harmful effects of illegal information on state security, public interests and children. “Laws and regulations clearly prohibit the spread of information that contains content subverting state power, undermining national unity [or] infringing upon national honor and interests,” it says. In another section, China reaffirms its determination to govern the internet within its borders according to its own rules. "Within Chinese territory the internet is under the jurisdiction of Chinese sovereignty. The internet sovereignty of China should be respected and protected," it says. It adds that foreign individuals and firms can use the internet in China, but they must abide by the country's laws.

This protection includes large parts of the Cyberworld and your very own Yellow River Chronicles!  We ROCK!!  Here is result from an on-line app which allows you to check and see if a site is blocked.  

Note the line "Test results for theyellowriverchronicles.blogspot.com".  As you can see, the YRC is blocked in all of China, including Inner Mongolia.  However, the YRC is widely available in Mongolia!

For fun, you can go to the site (greatfirewallofchina.org) type in your favorite website and see if it is blocked.

"Squirrels sighted, Kilo Actual. Permission to engage!?!"

In fairness, the YRC is not singled out, as is the Red Lobster Restaurant site (truth!  List of sites blocked).  We are simply blocked because all Google-based blogs are blocked here.

So, YRC readership being as alert as a Jack Russell Terrier on methamphetamine, you then ask, "It that a squirrel?"  Ho ho ho.  Just kidding.  No, you ask, "how then is the YRC published each week." 

YRC Secret Communications Hub

Well, in the tradition of direct descendants of a long-time National Security Agency professional, we will simply....say nothing and look amused.  It is for your OWN protection, people.  

But, it does involve a communications satellite, AEHF Satellite (USA-214), some cups and twine and some really serious computer gear.  Um...subscription rates may be going up soon to pay for all this.

And next week in the YRC (if we are still here) we'll bring you up to date on what this all means on the other side of the world.

Hello and welcome to the 50th edition of the Yellow River Chronicles.  Yes, dear readers, we have been gathering around the virtual fireside to share anecdotes and other fabrications for about a week and a year here at the now venerable YRC.

First, thank you for coming along on a journey which has covered many parts of the Other Side of the World.  And what a journey it has been.  To continue in our perky and positive tradition, the Staff got together over a shaker or two of vodka Martinis and our travel journals to produce our first Top Ten List.

To get you in that Celebrating in the People's Republic of China mode, we have the trailer from the film "Beginning of the Great Revival," released when the Communist Party celebrated its 90th Anniversary.  This is to give you the flavor of how they celebrate anniversaries in the PR of C.

Epic anniversary video, yes?  Clearly, momentous things are in motion, as we speak.  We now have ambitions for something like that for the YRC, so check back frequently as we...um...pull it all together.  Now, back to our regularly scheduled column!

The YRC Top Ten Reasons to Live in Shanghai:

But, Dad!  My shoes don't match my.....never mind.

Number 10:  The never-ending Shanghai  Fashion Adventure!  As the saying here goes:  "Shanghai, where every day is Halloween!"  Want to wear glasses without lenses in them?  Sure!  No problem!   Wear pajamas in the street?  Go for it, but please watch the trap door.  Shanghai has a "Go For It Comrade Fashionista" approach like no other city in the world.

Yes, we are so outrageously far from....and another Delirium, please.

Number 9:   Shanghai is the best "Soft Landing" city in Asia for expats.  Yes, Shanghai is one of the largest Chinese cities and throws many a challenge at laowai, like the vendors who kill and pluck chickens in the street, but what the heck!   You can order a pizza or walk down the street and have a burger and fries.  There are delivery services to bring you everything you need, including groceries, alcohol, laundry and food from almost every restaurant in town, including Mikey D's.  Need something?  Pick up the phone and press "2" for English.

If you buy 10, you get them for $1.00 each.

Number 8:  The extremely favorable government-controlled exchange rate. You may not agree with China's exchange policy but it makes many items here very...reasonable.


Tall bottle of excellent Tsing Tao beer...60 cents.  Cab ride all the way across town...Two dollars.  Full massage, manicure and pedicure at a five-star spa...$80.00.   
Dinner for four with drinks at local Hunan restaurant...$50.00.  First release DVDs?  $1.50. Custom tailored shirts? $12.00.   Suits?  $100.00.  And, of course, guitars.  Stratocaster copy?  Case, strings, and guitar...$130!  Who doesn't need one of those?  Nooooo tipping!   Nooooo services charges, except the hidden ones.  All this means that the cost of living (excluding housing) is quite low here.


Number 7:   Fireworks 24/7.   Wedding?  Boom!  Store opening?  Boom boom!  Bad day at the office.  BOOM!  Buy a couple of bricks of crackers and light 'em up!  Perfectly legal.  And Chinese New Years?  Forget abouddddiiittt!!   Badda Boom!

Honey, don't forget to wear your mask today!

Number 6:  Shanghai living  prepares your immune system for future biological warfare or epidemics.

After a year of residence you will have the Navy Seals of intestinal flora doing pushups in your lower intestine.  Hut hut hut hut.  Bad food....laughable man.   Bring it ON!  Mess with the best, die like the rest, total pwnage.  Hand me another Sheng jian (fried bun, 生煎), darlin!

Bad air?  No problem.  Stuff a few cigarette filters up your nose and hit the streets. Or the very fashionable surgical mask can help you blend in on a particularly dusty day.

It's Shanghai Crayfish Season!

Reason 5:  Shanghai has over 70,000 reported restaurants.  If you add street vendors, noodle shops and the itinerant sweet potato roasters, you probably have over 200,000 places to get a meal.

Plus, Shanghai is becoming an international foodie haven with all major cuisines represented.  All eight of the Chinese regional cuisines are here, including fiery Sichuan and noodley Cantonese and Shanghai specialties. French/Japanese fusion bistros are next to high-end steak houses with Spanish tapas places in between.  It is a massive munchathon and Micky D's is open 24/7.

You must be.....American.

Reason 4:  The People!  Shanghai is the new "mixing bowl" of the world.  You will go hiking in the mountains with folks from Israel, the United Kingdom, Australia, Italy, Brazil, Ireland, and Canada on a trip organized by a Chinese and a Pakistani.  Your neighbors are  Japanese, Russian and Spanish and the French are everywhere in the the...French Concession.  All of this mixing has the backdrop of the 24-million strong population of our generally patient Chinese hosts from every province in the country.

Reason 3: Location, location, location.  When it all gets to be toooooooo much, Shanghai is an excellent jumping off point to the Other side of the World.  Take the overnight ferry from the docks in Shanghai to Kyoto.  Jump on a plane to Hong Kong, Tokyo, Seoul or Bangkok...they're only a few hours away. It is, after all, the Center of the World.  Just make sure you DON'T eat the sushi (despite Reason Number 6) on a Chinese airline.

Reason 2:  Ease of living.  Getting around the city is as simple as jumping on the world's largest metro system, with 20 lines to take you anywhere for 45 cents.   Need a cab?  As long as it is not raining, they are plentiful, clean and cheap.  A single card can be used to pay for taxi, bus, metro, ferries and the occasional soda.  And all in relative safety as the crime rates are extremely low here.

And the Number One Reason to Live in Shanghai:   The Markets!   Need a cricket cage?  Check out the bird and cricket markets. Need a hair dryer?  Go to the street of hair dresser supplies.  It's right next to the street of musical instruments and just west of the street of calligraphy supplies.  Need some bondage crabs?  The seafood markets have more live animals than your local aquarium.  Need a copy of anything or everything all at easily negotiated pirate prices?  Hit one of the major thieves markets.  Furniture?  Bring a picture and they will make it for you.  Next-generation Japanese or Korean cell-phone.  Let's go to the giant Cybermart.


So that wraps this up, Rock Stars!  Thanks for coming to the party and make sure you take a cab home!  See you next week.

Did You Remember Our Anniversary?

Hello.  Guess what???  Today is <in a high, squeaky voice> OUR ANNIVERSARY !  Yes, the Yellow River Chronicles has finished it's first year of daring travel reporting from This Side of the World, Shanghai, China.  To commemorate this event, we are republishing the first YRC, from June 15, 2011.  Oh, how the years fly by here in the 'Hai.  The YRC staff is headed out for the weekend (not to Paris, though) to do some research on Zhejiang Province south western China.  We'll have a special One Year After column next week!  In the meantime, check out the FIRST ever Yellow River Chronicles.

Here it is:

June 15, 2011

Greetings and welcome to Life on the Yellow River, my new stream of consciousness blog from The Other Side of the World, faire Shanghai, in the People's Republic of China.

You will be interested to know that the long-range plan for Shanghai is to become the "Paris of the East".  Not in the Old Colonial Days sense, but in the City of the Future sense.  If you doubt me, Google it.  Which leads me to a another thought.  Will "Google It"  become an insult in the future?  Will people say, "He's dumber than a Google Search?"  Perhaps. We may wish to meditate on that for a moment before we hurtle onward. Or not.

Jing'An Temple at Night

In case you didn't know, I currently reside in faire Shanghai in an area called Jing'An.  There is a mighty temple nearby that is part of a large shopping center, making it very convenient for shoppers and worshipers.  I promise a full report on Jing'An temple in the future because it is packed with history, adventure and commercial mojo.  How I, The Krez, descended upon Shanghai will be the subject of another blog called "Flight From The Midwest".  It recounts the tragic story of the Fall of the River House, the March Across the Plains and the Great Trip Backward.  Good stuff, that, but at another time.

In the meantime, the design for the Paris of the East can be seen (Yes!  It is not a secret!) in the highly interesting Shanghai Urban Planning Exhibition Center on People's Square, right across from famous Nanjing Lu and the Number One Department Store (you can see a theme emerging here.  There is a reason why the PRC is now the number one consumer of luxury goods in the world.) On the third floor of the SUPEC is an extremely large and detailed model of Shanghai 2020.  Here is a day and night photo, taken with a Nokia X3-O2 cellphone.

Shanghai 2020

Shanghai 2020 at night

Dazzling, yes?  Paris.....no.  However, there are a few things that would cause one compare Shanghai to Paris.

Why Shanghai is soooo like Paris:

1. There is a large and inexpensive Metro transport system.  However, the signage is much better in Shanghai.
2. Bikes for free! You can roll around both towns on the world's ugliest bike with a sign that proclaims you as a tourist and and an inept pawn.
3. A river runs through it.  Paris wins this one because the Huang Pu has an off-the-charts level of toxicity that melts flesh instantly off the bone.
4. Both cities have brightly lit and safe tourist shopping areas where everyone is cheated regardless of race or language.  Overall, Shanghai is an extremely safe city, where even the drunkest tourist is free to crawl down the sidewalk humming "Hotel California" as they exit from the KTV (more on this in another blog).
5. Killer architecture, everywhere.  Both cities have a broad and dazzling selection, but Paris seems to have quit innovating right after Napoleon hit the beach in St. Helena (the second time he was exiled, for you history buffs).  Shanghai is currently the architects playground, with new buildings with wild designs popping up like neon toadstools. True, both cities also have large stretches of soulless, concrete apartment blocks.
6. Food culture.  Paris has +8,000 restaurants, Shanghai has +50,000, according to various sources, so Paris wins based on R.P.C. (Restaurants Per Capita).   However, there is excellent food everywhere in both cities.  I would give Paris the edge for fine dining and Shanghai simply owns the street food segment.
7. Many inexpensive and clean taxis.  Score Shanghai.   You can cross town for $3.00 with an non-smoking and courteous driver in Shanghai.  The language barrier is about the same, but in Shanghai they have taxi cards!
8. Vibrant and growing culture.  Score, Paris.  This is Shanghai's largest issue.  Yogurt has a more active and living culture scene than the 'Hai. 
9. Five-star shopping.  Walk down Champs de Elysee and then walk down HuaiHai Lu and you will find....no difference, except HuaiHai has more trees... Serious.  There are Zegnas, Cartier, Tiffanys, Hermes, etc. on almost every block on the Hai.  Big shoppers, the Shanghaians.   I call it a tie, except all my French friends go NUTS when they shop in Shanghai.  You know who you are, mon amis.
10. Decadence!  Yep, they both have an ancient tradition of....well, late-night partying, we shall say.  During the Great Colonialization, the Europeans infected Shanghai with the decadence gene and it has florished here.  Very different cities during the day, but around 1:00 am.....

So that's the first post.   I will be posting a new one every Friday, so be sure to check back!

We Can Breathe Just Fine, Thank You.

This week's YRC will be a quick update to last week's wildly successful "Compare and/or Contrast" exercise on Dueling Air Quality Monitors in the good old PR of C.  As you may remember, we here at the YRC were thrilled to learn that the highly successful air monitoring program at the American Embassy in Beijing was coming to Shanghai.

Sir Elton John prepares for his Shanghai concert by breathing deeply

Yes folks, last year it was the Eagle's, this year Elton John and the good old American air monitoring are coming to Shanghai.  Or....maybe not.

However, while Sir Elton will be met with enthusiasm and excitement, he'd better not bring his candy-apple red, neon-lit Air Detector with him, NO SIR.

In the attached New York Times article, we learn that all foreign embassies are being asked to take their rooftop air monitors and put them where the air does not flow, so to speak.  Maybe a catchier headline would have have read, "China Asks Other Nations Not to Release Bad Air....Data".

This controversy clearly illustrates the YRC's Three Great Laws of Public Communications around the globe:

1)  Any information which is potentially negative or harmful is only negative or harmful if you actually release it to the public.  A problem is never a problem until someone admits that it is indeed a problem. 

2)  There is no set of facts, no matter how well-established and substantiated, that cannot be denied or challenged with another set of well-established and substantiated facts. 

3)  People can only remember three things.  This is the third.  Of the Three Things.  That we mentioned.  Before.  In this column.  Which you are currently reading.

We expect that next week the YRC will be covering the results of the PR of C air monitoring program in other nations around the world.  Or maybe....not.

In the meantime, here's the Times article:

China Asks Other Nations Not to Release Its Air Data

Andy Wong/Associated Press

A Beijing street shrouded by haze in January.

By KEITH BRADSHER

Published: June 5, 2012

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HONG KONG — After years of choking smog that stings the eyes and burns the lungs, regularly documented by an air sensor at the American Embassy in Beijing that posts the results hourly on Twitter, the Chinese government took a strong position on the issue on Tuesday.

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Follow@nytimesworldfor international breaking news and headlines.

Twitter List: Reporters and Editors

Wu Xiaoqing, the vice minister for environmental protection, demanded that foreign governments stop releasing data on China’s air.

In a criticism clearly aimed at the United States, Mr. Wu said at a news conference that the public release of air-quality data by foreign governments’ consulates “not only doesn’t abide by the spirits of the Vienna Convention on Diplomatic Relations and Vienna Convention on Consular Relations, but also violates relevant provisions of environmental protection.”

He complained that data from just a few locations were unrepresentative of broader air quality in China. He asserted that it was a mistake for a few consulates in China to be assigning labels like “hazardous” to China’s air based on standards that were drafted in industrialized countries and tightened over many years.

Such standards may not be appropriate for conditions in developing countries like China, Mr. Wu said, adding that “we hope the few consulates in China would respect our country’s relevant laws and regulations, and stop publishing this unrepresentative air-quality information.”

In case anyone missed the point, a Foreign Ministry spokesman, Liu Weimin, said at a briefing later in the day, “Of course, if the foreign embassies want to collect air-quality information for their own staff or diplomats, I think that is their own matter, but we believe that this type of information should not be released to the public.”

The American Embassy began tracking and releasing air-quality data in 2008, followed by its Guangzhou consulate last year and the Shanghai consulate last month.

Officials in China and Hong Kong have grudgingly responded by moving to release their own data on extremely fine particles measuring 2.5 micrometers or less in diameter, a size that penetrates particularly deep into lungs and has been linked to cancer and other respiratory problems. Public awareness in China of the health hazards associated with extremely fine particles has soared with the release of the American data, and particularly smoggy days now set off a surge in mentions of “PM2.5” on Weibo, a popular Chinese microblogging service similar to Twitter.

The criticism of the United States by Chinese officials comes after officials in Shanghai have recently taken exception to the public availability of data from the new monitor there. Richard L. Buangan, the American Embassy spokesman, wrote in an e-mail that the monitor “is a resource for the health of the consulate community, but is also available through our Twitter feed for American citizens who may find the data useful.”

He added, “We caution, however, that citywide analysis of air quality cannot be done using readings from a single machine.”

Mr. Buangan declined to comment on how the Vienna conventions might or might not have any legal bearing on the air monitors or the release of the data.

A version of this article appeared in print on June 6, 2012, on page A4 of the New York edition with the headline: China Asks Other Nations Not to Release Its Air Data.

Time to Clear the Air

Aaahhhhhhhh.

Take a deep breath, dear readers.  Relax. We here at the YRC we hope you enjoy that fresh air feeling.

Now, cough like the popcorn just got torched in the microwave or you power-bonged some harsh weed. Why?  Today at the Yellow River Chronicles we are going to talk about our least favorite place to visit:  Reality.  Enter, the Great Air Quality question in the PR of C.

So here's the question we have been asked many times about the PR of C.  How good/bad is the air in China?

Another sunny day on Tienanmen Square. 

First things first.  Here is the official story, direct from the highest Chinese authorities.

The air here in China, as measured by the Chinese air measurement authorities, is very good, and in fact, improving.  Here are the facts from China Daily, published 12/19/2011:

274 Days of Blue Sky in Beijing in 2011:

BEIJING - As of Saturday, Beijing had enjoyed 274 days of "blue sky" in 2011, fulfilling its annual target ahead of schedule, an official at the city's environmental protection bureau said on Saturday.Beijing experienced an overall decline in the concentration of various pollutants in 2011, said Zhuang Zhidong, deputy director of the bureau.The concentration of PM10, or particulate matter of less than 10 micrometers, decreased to 114 micrograms a cubic meter this year, the lowest in four years, according to the bureau.The city's overall air quality was better than last year, with 22 more days of Grade I air quality, Zhuang said.Beijing uses a five-grade classification of air quality on the basis of pollution indices, with Grade I being the best and Grade V the worst.Days with Grade I or II air quality are considered "blue sky days."However, Beijing also experienced several days of poor air quality as a result of adverse weather. Factors such as weaker winds and a rise in humidity are unsuitable for the dispersal of atmospheric pollutants, according to the bureau.
Air quality monitoring in Beijing made headlines recently due to public debate over different standards of measurement. (YRC emphasis)China currently uses PM10 to measure air quality, but the public has urged government authorities to apply the tighter PM2.5 standard, which measures finer matter that is considered more hazardous to human health as it can go deeper into the lungs.The Ministry of Environmental Protection said it has been reviewing the standards.It said that a new index standard, which would include PM2.5 and ozone density, is scheduled to be fully implemented nationwide in 2016, with pilot projects in certain regions ahead of the national deadline.

So You're Telling Me It's Good Air, Comrade.

Good to know, right, pumpkins?  Breath deep. There are as many blue-sky days in Beijing as there are in Aspen, Colorado, for example.  However, just so you know, the Chinese government has a measurement system focusing on the 10-micron standard, which measures the important BIG particles, we figure.

Many others, however, seem to think that its the small particles, like 2.5 micron, that are important.  So, outside the PR of C, there are multiple reports from every news source on the planet which record that Beijing and many cities in China have air quality close to the exhaust from an ancient coal-fired generator at a big chemical refinery...that is on fire.

In This Case, Red is Bad and So is the Air, Comrades.

WHO data. Over 20 mcg is bad...

Take this article for example from Shanghaiist:  

It's no news that China's air pollution is bad. In fact if this NASA map (courteously provided above by your elite YRC photo staff) of PM2.5 levels is anything to go by, Eastern China has it the worst in the entire world. But why is the air pollution in some Chinese cities is simply bad (like Guangzhou) while others are super bad (like Beijing?) And which provinces are actually doing anything about it?
Greenpeace recently took air quality statistics from China's Ministry of Environmental Protection and lined up 28 important cities located in the country's economic powerhouse regions to reveal what exactly is going on:
Beijing's air is really, really bad (duh), but so is Nanjing's and Hangzhou's
Beijing had the dubious honour of landing itself at the bottom of the 28 cities when it came to comparing PM10 levels. In 2010 the city exceeded World Health Organization standards for PM10 by a whopping 605%, hitting an average of 121 ug/m3 for PM10 (the WHO recommends a maximum of 20 ug/m3). Joining Beijing was Nanjing at number 27, and Hangzhou not far behind.

Enter the Americans with Their Rooftop Air Quality Monitors:

The plot thickens as the air darkens.  Remember the data cited above is provided by China's Ministry of Environmental Protection.  The U.S. embassy in Beijing has provided air quality readings to the public for years now.  Why, we do not know, but maybe they were just....curious.  However, this has been a source of conflict between the two nations because the American data is grittier, so to speak.

This from the New York Times:

The Chinese government has monitored exposure levels in 20 cities and 14 other sites, reportedly for as long as five years, but has kept the data secret. 

It sought 18 months ago to silence the American Embassy in Beijing as well, arguing that American officials had insulted the Chinese government by posting readings from the PM 2.5 monitor atop the embassy on Twitter. A Foreign Ministry official warned that the embassy’s data could lead to “social consequences” in China and asked the embassy to restrict access to it. The embassy refused, and Chinese citizens now translate and disseminate the readings widely.

Now....on to Shanghai.

Official photo of Shanghai taken from official YRC offices

But what about Shanghai, the city of dreams?

Our loyal Yellow River Chronicle readers will be pleased to know that we Shanghai residents now have access to the same monitoring data provided by the U.S. embassy in Beijing.  However, according to the Shanghai air monitoring authorities....it could be wrong.

US data clouds Shanghai air readings 

Wednesday, May 16, 2012
The United States consulate in Shanghai has begun issuing its own pollution data, giving a much darker assessment of air quality than government statistics.
Hourly data from a monitoring device in the consulate compound is being posted online and on Twitter.
And throughout yesterday morning, air quality was classified as "unhealthy," even as the local environment bureau called conditions "good."
The discrepancy raised concerns among local residents.
"I firmly believe the US data should be trusted," blogger Xiao She posted. " It's beyond imagination ... that our monitoring center said air quality is good when it looks full of dust."
Shanghai officials blamed different measurement standards and said the US figures only relate to a "limited area around the consulate."
Most mainland cities base air-quality information on particles of 10 micrometers or larger, known as PM10, and do not take into account finer particulates that experts say are most harmful to health. But the US consulate figures, like those already being issued by Washington's embassy in Beijing, do monitor the smaller particles known as PM2.5.
State media said Shanghai will release readings that include PM 2.5 particulates from next month.
AGENCE FRANCE-PRESSE

Well, gosh darn it, is the the air here in the 'Hai good or bad?

We were startled to learn that the Chinese government, under pressure from the Chinese citizenry, has recently agreed to publish new air-pollution standards, using some of the international standards.

This from the Associated Press, on the recent release of the data from Beijing.

 Steven Andrews, an environmental consultant who has studied Beijing's pollution data since 2006, said he was "already a bit suspicious" of Beijing's PM2.5 data. Within the 24-hour period to noon Saturday, Beijing reported seven hourly figures "at the very low level" of 0.003 milligrams per cubic meter.
"In all of 2010 and 2011, the U.S. Embassy reported values at or below that level only 18 times out of over 15,000 hourly values or about 0.1 percent of the time," said Andrews. "PM2.5 concentrations vary by area so a direct comparison between sites isn't possible, but the numbers being reported during some hours seem surpisingly low."
The Beijing center had promised to release PM2.5 data by the start of the Chinese Lunar New Year on Monday. It has six sites that can test for PM2.5 and 27 that can test for the larger, coarser PM10 particles that are considered less hazardous. The center is expected to buy equipment and build more monitoring sites to enable PM2.5 testing.
Beijing wasn't expected to include PM2.5 in its daily roundups of the air quality anytime soon. Those disclosures, for example "light" or "serious," are based on the amount of PM10, sulfur dioxide and nitrogen dioxide in the air.
Beijing interprets air quality using less stringent standards than the U.S. Embassy, so often when the government says pollution is "light," the embassy terms it "hazardous."

And so the air quality question leads to one more question:

Photo courtesy of The Beijinger, who stole it from somebody else

So what are we going to do about it?.  We here at the YRC are going to look and see if perhaps gas masks can be...sexy, people!  

We must confess we do not know who is right on this air-monitoring disconnect (we have a few ideas).  But as we always say, why take chances?

We are going to acquire a few industrial-strength air scrubbers, wear them on the Metro or out on the town, and you know, man, make a fashion statement out it, man.  After all, we can't hold our breath that long...

Hello and welcome to this week's "Getting Around the People's Republic" issue of the Yellow River Chronicles.  Here at the YRC, we always try to stretch the boundaries of contemporary journalism with a zesty mix of repartie, induendo and outright mendacity.  We have also added video, which brings granularity and density of vision to the column....we think.

Getting around China.  The three-year-old tricycle pilot.

As you know, the YRC staff likes to "get around" and China is no exception!  We start this weeks issue with...well, it's a great example of childcare and traffic, Chinese style.  Watch the video and we'll chat when you get back.

Wild, yes?  That crazy kid!  We think we see a future Chinese racing car driver in training, don't you?

First, thank goodness he made it.  Second, what we found interesting was that NOBODY stopped their buses, cars, or motorbikes to get the kid.  No, we have places to GO people and....hey, drive around that kid on the bike would you?   Third, the policeman brings the kid home, yuks it up with Grandpa and all is well.

And yes, this sort of thing happens in the PR of C quite frequently.

Cruising the river on the Pearl Number Seven:

Pearl No. Seven and Bridge death match.  Pearl loses.

This just in from China Daily, the choice for objective news reporting in the PR of C.

"The luxury cruise ship Pearl NO 7, bumps a bridge in Wenzhou, East China's Zhejiang province, May 23, 2012. No injuries were reported, but the deluxe liner lost its chimney which left a mark on Wenzhou Bridge. The cruise was being dragged by four tugboats to a downtown terminal ahead of opening to the public during the National Day holidays in October. The accident is believed to have been caused by miscommunications of the ship's height, Wenzhou City News reported. [Photo/CFP]"

Honey, the Ledo deck is out of commission.  Want to hit the buffet before the crowds?

How to avoid a car inspection in Nanjing:

Watch the black car.  Watch out for the black car!

And now for an exciting article and video from ChinaSmack.

As exposed by internet user “JEEPNJ”, on 2012 April 3rd around 3pm in the afternoon, on Nanjing’s Gaochun Road, in order to escape inspection, a driver in a black Buick Excelle staged a mad charade, smashing into 12 cars before fleeing the scene. Currently, police are still investigating. This is the above-mentioned user’s dash-cam recording.


Click here for the article and video

(http://www.chinasmack.com/2012/videos/chinese-driver-hits-12-cars-to-escape-police-checkpoint.html) (If it doesn't work, paste into your browser, please).


Our favorite part is when the motorbike pulls into the "lane of destruction", followed by a large group of people.

And finally, a birds eye-view of traffic patterns in a typical Chinese city:

According to www.driver.com, "To the North American eye, used to simple traffic, simple rules and lots of space, it looks impossible and disorganized. A China-bound tourist might take one look at this and understand immediately why rental cars in China usually come with their own driver.


However, upon closer scrutiny, the 'chaos' is not so chaotic. The Chinese themselves are used to this more informal relationship with rules and their expectations of other road users are vastly different from the North American expectations.


As journalist Ken Wills points out in an article on the Boston.com web site, Chinese driving habits appear to be "a direct extension of China's bicycle culture, whereby every move is a calculated negotiation among throngs of cyclists flowing at roughly the same speed and in the same direction."


So that's it people!  You now know why we are somewhat nervous when we step out the door in the morning.  It's an adventure, we'll tell ya!  Thanks for tuning in, check those mirrors and as Bill Murray said....don't drive angry.

Part Two of the Lair of the Shanghai Voodoo Princess

Okay, so we are BACK with part two of the "Lair of the Shanghai Voodoo Princesses".   In our last episode, (like those wonderful days in World History class when you only had a film to watch), we reviewed the Canadian Broadcast film "Shanghai-Sin City".  There will be a quiz at the end of the column, so here's a quick summary.

Shanghai 1949

Ahem.  Shanghai was a sleepy fishing town until the British kicked the crap out of the Chinese, burned the Summer Palace to the ground and decided they needed their own place in Shanghai.  After all it was a port and would be a great place to distribute opium.  Along with the opium came a veritable buffet of vices, earning Shanghai the "Vice Capital of the Universe" title for many years.

Shanghai was also "open" from the standpoint that there were three "governments", the French Concession, The International Settlement and the local Chinese government, (no visa, passport or identification was needed to enter the city).  The city was run by the Green Gang.   You can read up on the Green Gang here but they we some seriously evil dudes, yes sir.

Shanghai lost the Vice Leadership title (maybe to Toronto??) when Mao came to town.  Shanghai suffered a major "clean-up" during the Cultural Revolution.   We will now fast-forward to today, where Shanghai is the logistics capital of the world, the architecture capital of the world, and heir-apparent to Hong Kong on many if its titles.

But where is the vice?

Where is the Padd Thai restaurant?

Luckily, your friends at the Yellow RIver Chronicles are in possession of their famous "VIce Seeking" GPS.  During our travels in many of the major cities of the world, we have accidentally wandered through shooting galleries, interrupted drug deals when looking for directions, accidentally asked itinerant prostitutes for restaurant recommendations, and generally have consistently blundered from Soi Cowboy to Makatai to Shimabara.  How about a late night stroll in Belize City?  Whoooooo boy.

So, using our GPS-VIce app, in a moment of breathtaking photojournalism, we now take you to the land of the Shanghai Voodoo Princess.  But before we go, it should be noted that this is not prostitution.  While prostitution is legal in over 50 countries in the world, (see here) it is illegal in Shanghai and in China.

One of the many Lairs of the Shanghai Voodoo Princesses

We cheat drunks, tourists and Japanese

No prostitution (as far as we have been told) is practiced there. Instead, the Lair of the Voodoo Princesses is involved in the universal sport called "Cheating Drunks and Tourists".  The Lair involves tourists, drunks and drunk tourists.   As you wander down this neon-lit lane in the old French Concession, you will see the following vignette:

Middle-aged, Western or Japanese men, intoxicated or seeking intoxication, wander nearly one or two blocks from the safety and serenity of their tourist hotels (The Hilton, for example).

They will pause curiously outside a bar with a name in English, like "Cats", or "Roadhouse" or "Route 66".  The attractively dressed bar girls will then swoop out in a dark-clad swarm, grab the unwary laowai and bring them into the bar.

The Game in the bar is simple.  You buy drinks for me, I keep you company for the evening and leave right before you get the stupendous bill.  Easy, yes?

It's all innocent fun.  Ha hhahaaaa hhaaa haaaaa.  Your elite YRC staff was wandering south on Lair Street one fine evening when we saw a pod of wounded Kiwis surrounded by quick moving shapes, like sharks darting around wounded beluga whales.  As we approached, three of the group were being forcibly dragged into a bar while one survivor fought bravely with two extremely attractive young predators.  

As we passed we caught his eye and murmured..."Resisssst".  Luckily, the spell was broken, the Kiwis disengaged and escaped with wallets and potential virtue unscathed.  When they caught up with us a few blocks later, they wanted directions to "good Chinese food".  That way, lads, be off with you, and beware the Princesses.  Nobody, nobody escapes twice we murmured dramatically as we vanished into the night as silently as we had arrived.

Hello, Sir!  Would you like to come in for Happy Hour?