The Yellow River Chronicles Looks Back on the Year and Wonders...

Heyooooo, Happy New Year and welcome back to the effervescent Yellow River Chronicles.  You may be pleased to know that we will be reporting LIVE from Chinese New Year in Shanghai this year.  This is a time in late January, early February when all expatriates flee the city like wine snobs retreating from a white zinfandel tasting.  However the YRC staff will stand fast and will be here to enjoy the dragon dances, holiday snacks and the endless crackle and thump of fireworks.  Stay tuned.

In the meantime, you may also expect a full trip report, YRC-style from faire Apulit Island, Palawan, Philippines, where the intrepid YRC staff braved terrorists, tropical storms, midget black tip sharks and the Manila Airport in search of the Great Mellow, a boat drink which features tequila, sunshine, vodka, shrimp stock, lime, Pernod, absinthe and a small dash of bitters!

As the party of the first part, we would like to thank all our loyal readers and commentators for riding along as the YRC moves across the globe like a small car packed with clowns.  The staff, during a particularly grim or droll moment, will often invoke your spirit with "Ooooooo, should we put this in the column???"  So, thanks for being our travel buds this year.

As you know, we here at the YRC eschew chronological narrative commentary.  It is simply, so linear, and so accurate that we find ourselves at a loss on how to plod from point to point and keep it interesting.  So, we have fallen on the most favorite option of travel journalists, writing about whatever we so desire and then claiming it is indeed a travel journal.  We await our Pulitzer with bated breath.  In the meantime, we thought we might indulge in a little change up with our to be famous YRC Top Ten Travel Tips of 2011!

1. Rule Number One:   Never, never combine astronomy, cocktailing and spelunking in the same evening.   Choose two, and focus.  And, maybe, wear a headlamp when it's dark...
2. Rule Number Two:  Avoid consuming any fish on any airline, particularly East China air.  Yes, you may be crammed into the School Bus of the Air as you rattle your way through the smokey skies of the PR of C, and yes, you may have had nothing to eat for 14 hours except a barbecued lamb foot. a martini and some gum, but still...stay strong and put those chopsticks down.  You will thank us later.
3. Rule Number Three:   As soon as you can, learn the following three phrases in the native language:  "Hello",  "Thank You", and "Please Get Away From Me or I Will Stab You in the Groin".   The first two are the key to large smiles and fun adventures, the last one is particularly useful near temples, shopping centers and train stations.
4. Rule Number Four:   Travel as light as you can.  Serious.  You should move through through hotel lobbies, train stations, taxi lines, red light districts, airports, markets, and the occasional prison, light as a ghost ninja.  You should be able to dart like a spider on methadone, blend into the crowd like a narc and be able to sprint 500 meters to catch...some form of transport that is always leaving at the wrong time.  And, there is the risk that your treasured Bon Jovi t-shirts and argyle sweater vests will end up in lost luggage in small airport in another universe far, far away from you! 
5. Rule Number Five:  Verify your information.  Read all signs.  Check all documents three times.  Ask every question three times of three different people. Call, check, hang up, call, check again, then stop by and check again on your way out. 
6. Rule Number Six:  Carry as little camera equipment as possible and use it as little as possible.  It is better if you journal if you want to document the trip.  When you look through a lens, or, think about how you would frame a shot, you are not actually seeing what you are looking at. And given that you are traveling to see things, you may wish to only use the camera for that one important shot.  We have all seen Aunt Hilga's Flikr post of her 1,435 shots of rural Albania.
7. Rule Number Seven:  Always carry a map of your immediate vicinity and keep it with you at all times.  This is particularly useful when you are traveling long distances at night by taxi.  And, before you head out, agree with your traveling companion on which way is "North".  This will smooth the way when you inevitably get...lost.
8. Rule Number Eight:   To make lots of friends when boarding a plane be sure to bring all your earthly possessions with you on board, including a large instrument in a hard-shell case.  Be sure to thump as many people on the head as you move down the aisle hunting for an empty overhead bin.  If you don't find one, simply crush everything in the overhead that is nearest your seat by jamming the case into the overhead compartment.  Add to the fun by frequently opening the overhead during the flight, causing the contents to drop onto the already bruised heads of your row mates.
9. Rule Number Nine:  Make sure you do not store any key pharmaceuticals in bags of M&Ms, gummi sharks, trail mix, or anything else eaten in large handfuls.  This will keep you from inadvertently being thrown off the plane.   Trust us, it works!
10. Rule Number Ten:  The final rule is, of course, pay no attention to the YRC rules, and particularly to large yellow signs with danger signals.  Rules, schmuls!  Except, of course, at border crossings or around anybody with guns.

So that's it!  Once again, many thanks for following the YRC, and we hope to see you on the trail.  Next week, the YRC heads to faire Palawan for a tropical adventure!  Sharks!  Sand! Coral Scars!