Doing What Comes Naturally in Kunming....

For a change, we will start this week with something interesting:  a startling image from a faraway place like, well, the Yunnan province in southern China.  Yunnan is the most southwestern of the provinces and features some of China's most spectacular scenery, including the famous Leaping Tiger Gorge.  The intrepid YRC staff were there on business.  In a bizarre twist of events, on this trip, the slacker contingent in on the staff was working and the working contingent was...well, slacking.  But it was there that we learned the ways of the Chinese Tour Group, which we will share with you in this week's missive.

Karst, Schmarst in Yunnan

Wikipedia on Yunnan Tourism:   Yunnan Province, due to its beautiful landscapes, mild climate and colorful ethnic minorities, is one of China's major tourist destinations. Most visitors are Chinese tourists, although trips to Yunnan are organized by an increasing number of foreign travel agencies as well. Mainland tourists travel by the masses; 2.75 million Chinese visited Yunnan last October during National Holiday.

Photo Opportunity!

Are you with us, people?  The October holiday week is a national holiday (all holidays are national, the Chinese go on vacation TOGETHER).  So for the SAME week, around 3 million Chinese descend upon Yunnan to experience the beauty and wonder in the fall.

And they do it in buses, in tour groups, with the same colored hats.

The group is lead by a tour leader who indicates leadership by carrying a brightly colored flag or umbrella for recognition and a megaphone to communicate.

Please stay on the trails...

                                                               Why the guide?  Because you don't just wander
around in a park, people.  There are things to see, moments to experience and of course, photos to be taken.   And these are done in a sequence, from point A to point B to point C and then back to the bus for drinks and snacks and a chance to show each other the pictures that were just taken.

The YRC staff had an excellent opportunity to see The People's Tourism first hand in Kunming at two of the People's Wonders of Nature parks.   The first was the Shilin Stone Forest (Shilin (Chinese: 石林; pinyin: Shílín).  The park contains "a notable set of basalt formations located in Shilin Yi Autonomous County." According to the guide book, "The tall rocks seem to emanate from the ground in the manner of stalagmites, with many looking like petrified trees thereby creating the illusion of a forest made of stone."

What we discovered was, if you are solo travelers on "the route" through the park, you are in danger of joining the forest made of stone.  Large tours rocket along the trail at precise 3-minute intervals, going the same direction in the same sequence to stop at the same points to hear the brief explanation of "Elephant Rock" and then snap the required picture at the well signed and marked "photo point".  As the YRC staff attempted to "wander" the park,  we were nearly trampled and crushed by the advancing tour groups. We were very out of sequence and very in the way.  Then, we learned the rhythm and could get around safely.   It works like this:  When you hear an advancing megaphone, dive for cover.  Look like a tree.  Avoid eye contact or sudden movement.  Camouflage is the sniper's and the lauwai tourist's friend.  Stay still.  As the crowd moves on, dart into the gap between the groups.  Keep moving and never, never, go against the flow.  There is no turning back in the Park, comrades...

Cool and Comfortable

Our second stop was The Jiuxiang Karst Caves which encompass sixty-six caves of all sizes.  They include Wolong Cave, Baixiang Cave, Fairy Palace, Dasha Dam Cave, Sanjiao Cave, and lots and lots of neon.  In the words of the brochure (and the YRC staff's all-time favorite quote):

When in rainy season, it seems like a sensational giant dragon under moist vapor like to kiss you cool and comfortable.

No Turning Back!

Nature is Better with Neon

                         
                                                                       



















After our training in the Stone Forests we felt we could confidently handle our second
Chinese Nature Tour.   But we were overconfident.  We had forgotten the famous Second Law of Travel in the Peoples Republic:

"You Do Not Find the FUBAR.   It Finds You!"

The trail was...in a cave.  There was no place to duck in and out of traffic.  There was no place to hide.  We advanced through a glowing series of caves on a pathway like a set of rails through an underground Las Vegas. Your YRC staff were like a pair of small rabid squirrels caught between packs of eagerly advancing Panda bears.  Megaphones to the front of us, megaphones behind us, we could only keep moving forward.

The trail went down, down, down, down, into the depths of Chinese Underground Neon Land.  We descended deep into the caves in a series of steep inclines and drops through ravines.  At the bottom, there was a rest stop and dozens of tour groups resting for the next big push.


It can be said that only in China would they find a way to get hundreds of Chinese senior citizens to the bottom of a cave and have no way to get them out.  Yes, fellow travelers, we had reached the end of the descent.  The wonders of the Fairy Palace were behind us and before us was...The Long Leap Upward.

The Great Leap Upward

Return to the Surface

You may be pleased to know the YRC staff did not dishonor our nation.  We took our place on the stairs and advanced slowly to the surface.  The  Park administration had thoughtfully provided first aid stations along the way for those who collapsed along the way.  At a halfway point, they also had thoughtfully provided a large group of bearers with sedan chairs for those willing to be carried up a narrow, winding trail.  However, anyone foolish enough to use the chairs was roundly derided and abused by those of us on the trail.

A senior couple who had been keeping pace with us for the last few hundred yards commented to us that those who rented the chairs and took the easy was out were probably "from Shanghai and thought they were better than the rest of us."  Indeed, we nodded sadly, those lazy wretches from Shanghai...

Enter the Dragon, Part Two! Chinese New Year in the 'Hai...

When we last left you, dear readers, the fireworks were rattling the windows of Shanghai as the residents of Shanghai began blowing...well, everything up.

Chinese New Year is actually a fifteen-day holiday, but the core of the celebration is New Year's Eve and the following four days leading up the return of the God of Wealth.  But before we proceed, please view the instructional video on handling explosives safely.


The Rundown on Chinese New Year from Wikipedia (edited):

First day

The first day is for the welcoming of the deities of the heavens and earth, officially beginning at midnight. Many people, especially Buddhists, abstain from meat consumption on the first day because it is believed that this will ensure longevity for them. Some consider lighting fires and using knives to be bad luck on New Year's Day, so all food to be consumed is cooked the days before. On this day, it is considered bad luck to clean.

Most importantly, the first day of Chinese New Year is a time to honor one's elders and families visit the oldest and most senior members of their extended families, usually their parents, grandparents and great-grandparents.

For Buddhists, the first day is also the birthday of Maitreya Bodhisattva (better known as the more familiar Budai Luohan), the Buddha-to-be. People also abstain from killing animals.

Some families may invite a lion dance troupe as a symbolic ritual to usher in the Chinese New Year as well as to evict bad spirits from the premises. Members of the family who are married also give red envelopes containing cash to junior members of the family, mostly children and teenagers. Business managers also give bonuses through red envelopes to employees for good luck and wealth.

[edit]Second day

Incense is burned at the graves of ancestors as part of the offering and prayer ritual.

The second day of the Chinese New Year, known as kāinián (开年, "beginning of the year")^[16], was when married daughters visited their birth parents, relatives and close friends. (Traditionally, married daughters didn't have the opportunity to visit their birth families frequently.)

During the days of imperial China, "beggars and other unemployed people circulate[d] from family to family, carrying a picture [of the God of Wealth] shouting, "Cai Shen dao!" [The God of Wealth has come!]."^[17] Householders would respond with "lucky money" to reward the messengers. 

Some believe that the second day is also the birthday of all dogs and remember them with special treats.

[edit]Third day

The third day is known as Chìkǒu (赤口), directly translated as "red mouth". Chìkǒu is also called Chìgǒurì (赤狗日). Chìgǒu means "the God of Blazing Wrath" (熛怒之神). It is generally accepted that it is not a good day to socialize or visit your relatives and friends.^[18][19]. Hakka villagers in rural Hong Kong in the 1960s called it the Day of the Poor Devil and believed everyone should stay at home.^[20] This is also considered a propitious day to visit the temple of the God of Wealth and have one's future told.

[edit]Fourth day

In those communities that celebrate Chinese New Year for only two or three days, the fourth day is when corporate "spring dinners" kick off and business returns to normal.

[edit]Fifth day

This day is the God of Wealth's birthday. In northern Mainland China, people eat jiǎozi (simplified Chinese: 饺子; traditional Chinese: 餃子), or dumplings on the morning of Pòwǔ (破五). In Taiwan, businesses traditionally re-open on the next day (the sixth day), accompanied by firecrackers.

It is also common in China that on the 5th day people will shoot off firecrackers in the attempt to get Guan Yu's attention, thus ensuring his favor and good fortune for the new year.

Back to our regularly scheduled missive:  

You may remember from last week's column that the intrepid YRC staff were sternly warned to abandon the city during Chinese New Year.  So, counter to that sage advice, we decided to stay and experience The Big One, the Year of the Dragon.  The bombardment on New Year's Eve started around 4:00 pm and ran until around 1:00 am, and it was rather intense as the video demonstrates. Yada yada.

We were prepared for the holiday.  We carried no knives or matches and were planning on cooking no food.  We would kill no animals and would not clean the apartment.  It was sounding like a fun holiday, really.  But then, in the heart of the Big 'Hai, we encountered one of Life's Great Mysteries.   As we left the apartment on the morning of New Year's Day, we were startled to find something we had not prepared for.  

Shanghai streets, like most mainland cities, are extremely crowded and ...noisy.   Chinese drivers have their horn connected to their gas pedal.  When the driver's foot is removed from the gas pedal, the horn starts to honk.  To add to the cacophony on the street, there are the loud cell phone conversations, the migrant junk collectors with their speakerphones doing the Mandarin version of "Bring Out Your Dead",  the street vendors enthusiastically communicating the availability of tasty and inexpensive snack foods, the incessant construction noise, usually lead by jackhammers, and the constant buzz and whine of the thousands of scooters competing with pedestrians for a pathway through the chaos.

But on this New Year's morning, we emerged blinking into the day to find...nothing.  A great tsunami of tranquility rolled over us.  Our Shanghai friends and neighbors were all gone!  No bus travelers, no buses, no vendors, no crazy Chinese cat ladies, no..body.

And, then, it struck us...Chunyun. No, not the God of Empty streets.  Chunyun, the time of travel.

This from Shanghai Expat:  

Train Station, Shanghai.  Photo courtesy of Shanghai Expat

China’s population is the largest in the world, estimated at 1.4 billion people, and the ramifications of this number constantly ripple through every part of daily life. There are always lines at every turn, transportation is crowded, and of course, there is limited personal space. Chinese New Year, or Spring Festival, falls on January 23rd this year, and is a time when many Chinese return to their hometowns to be with their families and friends. During this time an impossibly large amount of people board planes, trains, busses, and boats in what is known as Chun Yun. Chun Yun is often referred to as, “the largest annual human migration in the world.” It is estimated that some 700 million Chinese people will travel making an estimated 3.1 billion trips over the 40 day travel period. Trains are running around the clock and still overcrowded.

Bwwwwwwwwuuuuuuhhhhhhahahahahhahahaha!   Our fellow Shanghaiese were not in Shanghai.  They were all on a train to the provinces, going home to play mahjong and snack on niangao,( 年糕, niángāo).

The YRC staff has planned for the travel challenge of a lifetime.  Instead, lot's of personal space and harmony.  To illustrate, imagine a great city, like....Paris.  What is the one thing that would make a visit to Paris truly wonderful?  No Parisians, of course!  Or, imagine London without the Brits or New York without the Yankees!  Now, what if....even the tourists were gone?!  In Shanghai, the expats had fled the city, well ahead of the madness of Chunyun.  Most of the Chinese also had left, going home to the provinces, leaving....the YRC staff to wander the city in search of wisdom or, even a bar that might be open.

The city was ours!  The Year of the Dragon brought the one thing impossible to find in Shanghai...serenity.   And we hope your Lunar Year will be serene as we wrap up this week's column.  Next week the YRC visits the wilds of Kunming and the famous Siberian gull migration!  Thanks again for stopping by.

Let the Wild Rumpus Start...Part One.....

Well, here at the YRC there still is the distant crackle of fireworks as the Chinese New Year/Spring Festival winds down.  The city folk are all back at work and by the end of the week the migrant workers will have returned and Shanghai will be in full swing.

Let the Wild Rumpus Begin!

The week we will continue the YRC tradition of wandering: wandering physically, wandering in the narrative sense and of course, wandering in the logical sense in our report on the YRC staff's first Lunar New Year in the City of Hai, faire Shanghai.

Our loyal readers (not the rest of you ne'er-do-wells and reprobates) should be forewarned that the advice from every expat/visitor/non-mainland resident of Shanghai was to "run screaming to the airport" before the Lunar festivities began.  After their descriptions of the horrors of remaining in the city, the YRC staff was left with an image of large numbers of terrified families streaming away from the city.  This terrified exit would be similar to the scenes in the old Godzilla movies when the Giant Lizard began to crush tanks under his feet and wrestle with power lines.   True, it was Tokyo, not Shanghai, but there is always hope he will someday visit here.

Supplies, Tovariches!

So, armed with that information, we at the YRC originally adopted what could be considered a bunker mentality.   We stocked up on key supplies...vodka, DVDs and butterscotch and chocolate chips, loaded up our Kindle accounts and prepared for the Chinese Apocalypse.

It was to be the Year of All Years, after all.  Best to be prepared.  The Dragon is a particularly auspicious sign, so the celebrations were to be even more over the top than usual.  The Dragon, according to Wikipedia:



Dragon – 龍 / 龙 (辰) (Yang, 1st Trine, Fixed Element Wood): Magnanimous, stately, vigorous, strong, self-assured, proud, noble, direct, dignified, eccentric, intellectual, fiery, passionate, decisive, pioneering, artistic, generous, and loyal. Can be tactless, arrogant, imperious, tyrannical, demanding, intolerant, dogmatic, violent, impetuous, and brash.




The Dragon is also the only imaginary member of the Chinese Zodiac and so is the only member of that elite team that is not consumed on the mainland.  This is something that gives one pause.  If dragon was available, how would it be served?  I will have the Old Dragon Stewed with Bamboo Root & Ham (笋干老 龍 煲), please.

But, as advertised, we wander.  Here you have, in honor of the new year,  a YRC chronicle FIRST!! Yes, we have actual YRC video footage of the Wild Rumpus of fireworks from YRC headquarters South. This was taken by alert YRC camera persons at midnight.  Check it out:

Background on the Lunar New Year's Eve from Wikipedia:

The biggest event of any Chinese New Year's Eve is the Reunion Dinner. A dish consisting of fish will appear on the tables of Chinese families. It is for display for the New Year's Eve dinner. This meal is comparable to Christmas dinner in the West. In northern China, it is customary to make dumplings (jiaozi, 餃子, jiǎozi) after dinner to eat around midnight. Dumplings symbolize wealth because their shape resembles a Chinese tael. By contrast, in the South, it is customary to make a glutinous new year cake (niangao, 年糕, niángāo) and send pieces of it as gifts to relatives and friends in the coming days of the new year. Niángāo [Pinyin] literally means "new year cake" with a homophonous meaning of "increasingly prosperous year in year out".^[14]


After dinner, some families go to local temples hours before the new year begins to pray for a prosperous new year by lighting the first incense of the year; however in modern practice, many households hold parties and even hold a countdown to the new year. Traditionally, firecrackers were once lit to scare away evil spirits with the household doors sealed, not to be reopened until the new morning in a ritual called "opening the door of fortune" (kāicáimén, 開財門).^[15] Beginning in 1982, the CCTV New Year's Gala was broadcast four hours before the start of the New Year.


You will be pleased to know that your YRC staff, adventurers to the end, decided to participate fully.  Bunker we not!  We had Reunion Cocktails and then bundled up with scarves and flasks to head to Jing'An Temple for the festivities. We were prepared fight the crowds at the temple, light the incense, torch off a mountain of fireworks and even watch the CCTV New Year's Gala on CCTV One (which for some reason, is not available in our apartment).

But what actually happened (dramatic music in background) was quite different that what we planned...and will be covered in PART TWO of Chinese New Year in the Year of the Dragon!  See you then, and thanks for tuning in to the YRC!!

Year of the Rabbit Photo Book from the Yellow River Chronicles....

Click here to view this photo book larger

The new way to make a photo album: photo books by Shutterfly.

Second in the Series: Philistines in the Philippines...

The fireworks are beginning to thunder here on the Yellow River as Shanghai begins the wind-up to the Largest Holiday in the Universe, the +1.5 Billion strong Chinese New Year.  Some half a billion mainlanders go into motion as they head home for full week of partying and family visitation, People's Republic style.  Expect a full report at the end of the week here at the YRC.

The view from the hut

While you tremble in anticipation over next week's report, we will use 新年快乐 as an excuse begin the usual testy YRC commentary in our continuing coverage of Resorts at the End of the World.

When we last left you, the YRC staff had made it to Apulit Island, Palawan, the Philippines. It is a fine area, full of biodiversity, coral reefs, baby black tip sharks, uninhabited islands, many tropical fish, including barracuda and grouper, white sand beaches and a very diverse group of co-vacationers.

We had a fine over-the-water cottage at the end of the row with our own sweeping views of water and mountain.  The YRC staff had brilliant skies and shooting stars at night and the shimmering bay during the day.  We even had some YRC style key learnings, such as:

• Do not snorkel at low tide without some sort of protective gear on.  Coral can be...abrasive.
• There are DITCHES here, man.  Stay alert.
• Do not throw discarded clothing at the ceiling fan.
• Eating a lethal looking red chili pepper is not the best way to test for hotness.
• Shooting stars appear when you are not looking, so focus on not looking.
• Sound travels significantly farther over water.

Hut 51, Apulit Island, Palawan, Philippines.

But the best part was, as always, the people watching, and its upon this subject that the bulk of this missive shall ruminate. 


There were two main demographics:  large extended family groups from all over the world, including Brazil, Spain, Canada, Russia, Korea, Taiwan, Japan, the U.K. and Manila, and honeymooning couples from Korea.


Early in the process, we were able to locate a bar-like area where, comfortably clad in sunglasses, dark shirts and shorts, we could sip the local rum and lurk in the shade while we keenly observed the action.  We were delighted to observe that while the nationality of our co-vacationers was diverse, there were several district types of groups:

The view from the bar

1. Systematic Types:   Generally, they swarm in large groups on a tight schedule with a clear mandate to DO everything.  If there are kayaks they shall kayak. If there is coconut frond hat weaving, they shall hat weave.  If there are 47 items on the buffet, all 47 shall be tasted.  If there is a lecture by the staff on the dangers of the Philippine Cobra, they are in the front row taking notes.   Fun was to be had watching such a group wrestle on their flippers, masks and snorkels and frog walk the 20 meters to the water like the Clown Squad of the Navy Seals.
2. Sun Roasters:   They reside beach-side with no umbrella, generally from sun rise to sunset.  Regardless of age or their wrinkle/flab ratio, the man wears a classic Banana Hummock Speedo and the woman a tiny, tiny bikini.  They are dark, the color of mahogany and spend the day....roasting as they move with the sun like Mummy Sundials.   They wear white in the evenings and have their dermatologist on auto-dial. 
3. The Families:  They don't really seem to do anything, except gather in large groups at key choke points (entrances/exits/bars/dessert tables) and talk earnestly.  They have not seen each other in awhile.  There is alot to discuss.  Yes, there is the sunset and yes, the mango parfait is lovely but did you hear about Mom's nose surgery?  They have many strollers.  It is difficult to tell which child belongs to which family.  The babies are passed from person to person in a strange ritual of Musical Infants, where the last person holding the baby has to feed/change/silence the baby.  The other attribute of the Families is that they seem to like to take pictures of buffet food.  Tray of cheese?  <Click>  Chocolate fountain with marshmallows? <Click Click>.   Macaroni and cheese shaped to form a hermit crab?  Use the flash!
4. The Love Struck Couple:   They are alone together in a world of incandescent beauty.   Their love knows no limits.  They have matching flip flops as a symbol of their unity of thought and soul.  She may be MUCH younger than him.  Or maybe not.
5. Dark-Souled Bar Dwellers:  A quiet group, but fun at parties...

And Next Week:   We are love-struck that you stopped by to have a cold one and visit here at the YRC.  The Year of the Water Dragon is already shaping up for some new adventures, including the Siberian SeaGulls of Kunming and other mysteries.  Thanks again and see you next week!

First in the Series: Philistines in the Philippines for the Holidays!!

Hello and WELCOME BACK to the second YRC of the New Year.  As promised, this week we sail to the faire Philippines for some non-hazardous astronomical sightings and continued piercing observations into the human condition.  This is the first in a series of three on the amazing and remarkable Palawan region of the Philippines.

Mr. Perspective

We must start this missive with some "perspective" as Anton Ego used to say. Prior to our relocation to the People's Republic of China, the YRC staff believed that one of the many benefits of life on the Yellow River would be that perhaps, in a communist, non-theocratic nation, there would be minimal Winter Holiday commercialism. You know, Christmas decorations, dreary Celtic music and Evil Plastic Santas.  You have seen them of course, with their sinister glow, guarding yards and roofs around the world.

Ahem. In perspective, we were, well, deluded.  Mainland China has enthusiastically embraced the "holiday" of Christmas.   It currently produces nearly all of the christmas ornaments and plastic Santas in the world, so why not keep a few here?  So, hotel lobbys, shopping malls, convenience stores, hospitals, and massage parlors all gladly deck the Chinese halls with dozens of Santas, forests of Christmas trees and thousands of yards of blinking lights.  A veritable Chinese ARMY of Santas invades faire Shanghai and only leave when the Chinese New Year Decorations go up.  The Chinese just like holidays and bling, so the more, the merrier.  Sheng Dan Kuai Le to you, Comrade.

Every seat has a spectacular view 

Our escape from Chinese Christmas was to be to the Philippines, a large land of over 7,100 islands. This is the place where Magellan got whacked!  Gotta love it!  We would go far, far away, to tiny Apulit Island, in the Palawan region in southern Philippines.  There, we would escape the dual terror of Christmas in China and fall softly off the radar screen.  We would kayak and snorkel the reefs, hide out in a peaceful bungalow over the water, watch the stars at night, island hop during the day and escape the madness.   We are pleased to report that we accomplished, well, MOST of these.

Somewhere in Palawan, the Philippines

On to the journey!  While certain airlines give you a sense of luxury, some give you a sense of efficiency and grace, and others give you a sense of despair and pure terror.

The hop to Manila was uneventful except for the swarms of expat stoller people with mountains of luggage checking in for the flight to Manila.  The Philippines, as it turns out, is a popular location for expat families to spend the holidays.  So much for being trail blazers.  Sir, your child has micturated on my foot and do you really need to check a surfboard?

Heading South

While the flight to Manila was ...challenging, the wackiness picked up momentum when we headed out for Apulit after an overnight in Manila.  There is nothing more fun than flying in a small plane to an unpaved runway at an airport with no name.  They weigh you to make sure you can waddle on the plane, they weigh all of your luggage to make sure you have ONLY your ten kilos of luggage, including your carry-on and snacks, they load you on the plane like paratroopers and then you blast off over turquoise waters.

The Big Banca at Rest

Oh, to be a WWII fighter pilot in the Pacific.  Oh, to be getting ready to sink a freighter out of Shanghai loaded with Evil Plastic Santas.  But it was enough to be heading south flying low over hundreds of atolls and islands.


Roger that, Apulit Actual, this is Yankee Romeo Charlie, we are Oscar Mike. 

Once on the ground, we bounced to a banca. The banca ride was unique in the presence of outriggers and four heavy duty looking dudes in Raybans, heavy ammo belts and who shouldered mysterious cases carrying assault weapons.  Next stop, either an intense firefight, Mekong Delta style, or a tropical resort.  Tune in to next week's YRC to find out which, and thanks for tuning in!

The Yellow River Chronicles Looks Back on the Year and Wonders...

Heyooooo, Happy New Year and welcome back to the effervescent Yellow River Chronicles.  You may be pleased to know that we will be reporting LIVE from Chinese New Year in Shanghai this year.  This is a time in late January, early February when all expatriates flee the city like wine snobs retreating from a white zinfandel tasting.  However the YRC staff will stand fast and will be here to enjoy the dragon dances, holiday snacks and the endless crackle and thump of fireworks.  Stay tuned.

In the meantime, you may also expect a full trip report, YRC-style from faire Apulit Island, Palawan, Philippines, where the intrepid YRC staff braved terrorists, tropical storms, midget black tip sharks and the Manila Airport in search of the Great Mellow, a boat drink which features tequila, sunshine, vodka, shrimp stock, lime, Pernod, absinthe and a small dash of bitters!

As the party of the first part, we would like to thank all our loyal readers and commentators for riding along as the YRC moves across the globe like a small car packed with clowns.  The staff, during a particularly grim or droll moment, will often invoke your spirit with "Ooooooo, should we put this in the column???"  So, thanks for being our travel buds this year.

As you know, we here at the YRC eschew chronological narrative commentary.  It is simply, so linear, and so accurate that we find ourselves at a loss on how to plod from point to point and keep it interesting.  So, we have fallen on the most favorite option of travel journalists, writing about whatever we so desire and then claiming it is indeed a travel journal.  We await our Pulitzer with bated breath.  In the meantime, we thought we might indulge in a little change up with our to be famous YRC Top Ten Travel Tips of 2011!

1. Rule Number One:   Never, never combine astronomy, cocktailing and spelunking in the same evening.   Choose two, and focus.  And, maybe, wear a headlamp when it's dark...
2. Rule Number Two:  Avoid consuming any fish on any airline, particularly East China air.  Yes, you may be crammed into the School Bus of the Air as you rattle your way through the smokey skies of the PR of C, and yes, you may have had nothing to eat for 14 hours except a barbecued lamb foot. a martini and some gum, but still...stay strong and put those chopsticks down.  You will thank us later.
3. Rule Number Three:   As soon as you can, learn the following three phrases in the native language:  "Hello",  "Thank You", and "Please Get Away From Me or I Will Stab You in the Groin".   The first two are the key to large smiles and fun adventures, the last one is particularly useful near temples, shopping centers and train stations.
4. Rule Number Four:   Travel as light as you can.  Serious.  You should move through through hotel lobbies, train stations, taxi lines, red light districts, airports, markets, and the occasional prison, light as a ghost ninja.  You should be able to dart like a spider on methadone, blend into the crowd like a narc and be able to sprint 500 meters to catch...some form of transport that is always leaving at the wrong time.  And, there is the risk that your treasured Bon Jovi t-shirts and argyle sweater vests will end up in lost luggage in small airport in another universe far, far away from you! 
5. Rule Number Five:  Verify your information.  Read all signs.  Check all documents three times.  Ask every question three times of three different people. Call, check, hang up, call, check again, then stop by and check again on your way out. 
6. Rule Number Six:  Carry as little camera equipment as possible and use it as little as possible.  It is better if you journal if you want to document the trip.  When you look through a lens, or, think about how you would frame a shot, you are not actually seeing what you are looking at. And given that you are traveling to see things, you may wish to only use the camera for that one important shot.  We have all seen Aunt Hilga's Flikr post of her 1,435 shots of rural Albania.
7. Rule Number Seven:  Always carry a map of your immediate vicinity and keep it with you at all times.  This is particularly useful when you are traveling long distances at night by taxi.  And, before you head out, agree with your traveling companion on which way is "North".  This will smooth the way when you inevitably get...lost.
8. Rule Number Eight:   To make lots of friends when boarding a plane be sure to bring all your earthly possessions with you on board, including a large instrument in a hard-shell case.  Be sure to thump as many people on the head as you move down the aisle hunting for an empty overhead bin.  If you don't find one, simply crush everything in the overhead that is nearest your seat by jamming the case into the overhead compartment.  Add to the fun by frequently opening the overhead during the flight, causing the contents to drop onto the already bruised heads of your row mates.
9. Rule Number Nine:  Make sure you do not store any key pharmaceuticals in bags of M&Ms, gummi sharks, trail mix, or anything else eaten in large handfuls.  This will keep you from inadvertently being thrown off the plane.   Trust us, it works!
10. Rule Number Ten:  The final rule is, of course, pay no attention to the YRC rules, and particularly to large yellow signs with danger signals.  Rules, schmuls!  Except, of course, at border crossings or around anybody with guns.

So that's it!  Once again, many thanks for following the YRC, and we hope to see you on the trail.  Next week, the YRC heads to faire Palawan for a tropical adventure!  Sharks!  Sand! Coral Scars!