Mind Over Manners and Other Adventures in Shanghai

Normal Behavior?  Depends, doesn't it?

Hello, dear readers and welcome back to this week's Yellow River Chronicles!   This week we are going to yak about adventures in abnormal behavior here in the Big City.   As a preface, many of our readers are world travelers, so it's seems safe to make the statement that everyone, everywhere, does not share the same values or do things the same way.

This is reflected in the culture, religion, laws and "normal" behavior of that particular culture.  For example, even in the United States, what is considered "normal" in the northern Midwest (ice fishing) could be considered, "abnormal" or even "unusual" in most counties in Texas.

The Dragon roll is really good here, sir.

We here at the YRC have observed that there is a link between what people consider to be normal behavior and what they consider to be proper or "good" behavior.  For example, in many Asian countries it is considered proper to remove your shoes before entering a household.  This is standard procedure even in some restaurants.

However, this behavior is not observed in most of Europe, North or South America.   The pre-entry shoe removal is neither right or wrong.  But for example, if on her monthly Sunday visit, Aunt Mable flipped off her practical and comfortable clogs before heading to the living room to annoy the family with her casserole, the family would find it.....odd.  Imagine a dinner party where each couple arrived and kicked off the pumps and penny loafer before tackling the buffet.  It would be...different, yes?

In the interest of world peace and common understanding, the YRC has observed two common western behaviors that are not "normal" here in the 'Hai.  Please Note: It is not our intent to label this as odd or rude.  These behaviors are, in the humble opinion of the YRC staff, simply different, and are as follows:

I'll get it!

1)   The holding of doors for other people to pass through.  Generally, it is every citizen for themselves here in the Hai.   Doors are neither held open to allow others to pass, nor are they held to prevent the door from smashing the person behind you in the nose.  The behavior is universal:  doors are held open for NO ONE, be it people carry large packages, old people trying to get into the elevator, shoppers exiting a store, or the Pope and his entourage, NO ONE gets the door held for them.

2)  The picking up of one's own trash.  It is fairly common to see folks just drop their trash as they are walking down the street.  Shanghai has thousands of street cleaners working constantly to keep things tidy and that's the way things run.  The normal behavior when cleaning out a car, for example, is to take everything unwanted and dump it next to the car.  At fast food restaurants, folk leave their trays at the table as they walk past the clearly labeled trash cans on the way out.  The street sweepers are there to keep things tidy on the street and the clean up staff in the KFC stands ready to clear your  table after you finish your Family Pack.

It all starts so small and innocent.  One busy Saturday afternoon, the YRC staff was headed into a large, high end shopping mall in downtown Shanghai. An older (one might say wizened) Chinese woman was coming through from the other side of the glass doors.  Creatures of habit,  we opened the door and stood aside.


This had the effect of bringing two streams of traffic to a complete halt.  The older Chinese woman stopped to wonder. Why were were opening the door for her?  As she stood there on the outbound side, the folks behind her piled into each other like a set of derailed train cars (note:  NO Chinese train jokes here).

Meanwhile, on the in-bound side, the chair reaction was repeated as the folks behind the bizarre door-opening crazy foreigners confronted the yawning gap of a door being held open for them and hit the brakes.  So, it is now the policy of the YRC staff to ALWAYS open doors on unsuspecting Shanghai residents.  Always looking to help out, yes sir.

However, it is our fear that someday, a photo of us holding open a door will appear on a wanted poster, or an international sign, showing a door being opened and a cross over it as a warning against unsolicited door-opening...

The other behavior we have been practicing is the "Pick Up The Trash".  Basically, walk down a crowded Shanghai street, see a drifting plastic bag or other relatively clean trash item and then pick it up and deposit it in a nearby trash can.  This must be done on the move, step, step, sweep the item, step, step, slam dunk the sucker and keep moving like an NBA guard moving down the sidelines.

It seems to happen in slow motion.  A plastic bag floats down a perfectly clean city street.  All locals avoid it like a tax collector.  Then, time slows as we go into motion.  Music comes up in the background, maybe "I Like to Move It, Move It".

Many eyes on the street turn as the trash is picked up and heads turn to track the movement.  Someone has picked trash up instead of throwing it down? Is it valuable? Are they collecting bags?   Is there something IN the bag?   Are they going to set fire to it?  And then, Ya CHA!, the deed is done, the sinister volunteer street cleaners move on.   Another normal day in the 'Hai. We like to move it, move it.

The Value of Everything and the Cost of Nothing....

Greetings and welcome to this week's Yellow River Chronicles.  This week we are going to finally answer one of the questions that is frequently asked of the Yellow River Chronicle staff.  We are going to take a swing at: "How much do things cost in the 'Hai?"

While generally this column has taken a strong stance against informative content, plausible story lines, coherence, good documentation and other foibles of "good writing", there is certainly quite of bit of curiosity about the topic by our respected and loyal readers, so we thought we would give this a try.  So expect facts here!

Paris in Shanghai (photo courtesy USAToday)

The general notion is that living in the PR of C is either extremely cheap or, it is quite expensive, as in Paris Hilton expensive.

This being the land of harmony, consensus and balance, both statements are accurate.  There is the old adage that a cynic is a person who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.  Whereas, a non-Chinese resident of Shanghai knows the value of everything and the cost of nothing.

The best way to explain this is to first discuss parallel universes.  According to good ol' Wikipedia:   The multiverse (or meta-universe, metaverse) is the hypothetical set of multiple possible universes (including the historical universe we consistently experience) that together comprise everything that exists and can exist: the entirety of space, time, matter, and energy as well as the physical laws and constants that describe them. The term was coined in 1895 by the American philosopher and psychologist William James.[1] The various universes within the multiverse are sometimes called parallel universes.


It is based explained in a columnar matter. There are four separate price universes in Shanghai with different price structures.  Different universe, different price, even for the same thing.

First, there is the internationally-indexed price universe.  These are the common, published price venues that charge everybody the same price for the same quality item. They are usually international fast-food chains or department stores.   A Big Mac, with fries and a medium Coke, will cost about $4.00.   A large, multiple topping pizza is about $20.00.  Everybody pays the same price.  There is no negotiation, though we have seen it attempted.

How much for the bananas?

At the other end of the spectrum is the second universe:  Shanghai the cheap.  This is the local, unpublished, street universe.  A bowl of noodles is 30 cents.  A pork or vegetable bun would be 15 cents.  A watermelon in season is 30 cents.  A bottle of tea is 45 cents.  A bottle of beer is 45 cents.  A made to order, custom suit is around $100, and a made to order shirt is $15.00.  A DVD or CD is $1.50.  A bottle of Stoli vodka (street) is $10.00.  Dinner for four with beer and four or five entrees can be well under $60.
Note:  A foreigner can generally expect to pay higher prices, simply because of not being Chinese.  There is a laowai premium and negotiation is expected most of the time, with the worst markups being in the tourist areas.

Good deal if the meter is running

An example of this is cab fares.  Cab drivers are generally supposed to use a meter and fares are regulated.  The fare is flat rate whether you have one rider or four.  If the meter is used, cab fares are extremely cheap--you can get almost anywhere for around $2 to $3.

UNLESS you get a red cab. Or if it's raining.  Or if its Chairman Mao's birthday. Or a national holiday.  Or if you have two or three suitcases and look like you are in a hurry.  Or if it's Friday night and it is raining.  Or if you get a blue and white cab and he's in a bad mood.  Or if you're at the airport and it's you first ride into town.  Or, if you are wearing large sweatshirt with "Who Farted?" on the front...and it's after midnight.

The Most Expensive Cheerios in the Universe

The third price structure is internationally branded luxury goods.  These generally have extremely high prices and have about a 40% to 50% premium over the exact same item in New York.  Handbags and watches (real ones) are good examples.  Electronics and cameras are in the same structure, with I-phones and I-pads being near the top of Apples international price structure.  These premiums also apply to imported specialty grocery items, such as cheeses, wines, beers and yes, breakfast cereals.   A box of Cheerios, for example, in a import-specialty store costs...(drum roll) about $14.00.

The Chairman likes his luxury digs...

Finally, there is real estate.  Pricing of real estate in Shanghai is near the top of the international scale.  Due to tremendous speculation in Shanghai real estate, the average Chinese cannot afford to own a house or apartment in the city.

Hotel prices are near the top of the scale, with rooms in the $250-$500 a night range for international standards.   For apartments in high end neighborhoods, prices of $5,000 to $10,000 a month are not unusual.

And we hope you will return for more of the unusual at next week's Yellow River Chronicles!  Thanks for tuning in and keep those cards and letters coming!

Escape from Phuket and Phang Nga Bay

Do you have a brochure on the "Tattoo Parlor Tours?"

Refueling Stop

Hellloooo, and welcome back.  Pack up your kayaking gear, kids, because today we are headed on a kayaking trip to the world-renowned Phang Nga Bay.  As an introduction, while Phuket offers many of the benefits and wonders of a Southeast Asia beach destination (tailor shops, "I Pooed" t-shirts, girl bars and street markets), much of the fun of southern Thailand is on the water.

A caveat of travel is that any adventure trip, be it multi-sport, kayaking, mountain biking, hiking, or purse shopping in Hong Kong, will involve a long, long mini-bus ride with a bunch of people you don't know. The wonder and magic of travel is that by the end of the ride, everyone in the group will be dirty, wet, sunburned, dehydrated and will still be strangers. However, everyone tells some spectacular lies in the freedom of knowing you will never, ever, see each other again.

You should know that the YRC staff occasionally  introduce ourselves as Canadian.  We have many Canadian friends and they don't seem to mind that we have moved in with them.  Most people like Canadians.   American foreign policy, (whether you agree with it or not), tends to cast a long, chilly shadow in certain parts of the world.  Being Canadian just makes it easier to remain...sociable.

The Kayaking Route

We were therefore startled and thrown off track when the couple with us in the mini-bus introduced themselves as Canadians, (The dreaded Vancouver Gambit).  We fell into disarray and confusion.   We quickly learned that she was Canadian of Dutch origin and he was Canadian of Icelandic origin.  We shared that we were American, reviewed the Canadian victories during the War of 1812, and left it at that.

On to the journey.  The staff of the YRC is of the opinion that sea kayaking is one of the truly great sports.  It is right up there with mountain biking with no brakes and nude cave tubing.  As it turns out, Phang Nga Bay is one of the most transcendent sea kayaking destinations.

Outbound by cave from Hong.  And, the bats are fruit bats, not blood bats.  Serious.

The YRC staff was bound for Phang Nga Bay for night sea kayaking, exploring several cave/hong systems, and a Kratong launch.  Hongs are circular karst formations that have an open middle, sort of like a volcanic cheerio.   The central area is reached by kayaking through caves that are open at low tide.  There was wildlife aplenty,  turquoise waters, ambient temperatures, peaceful paddling and the YRC staff was startled to find that we were experiencing a strange but rare travel experience.

Phang Nga Bay

Let me preface this experience with the statement that, as the loyal readers of the YRC may know, The YRC staff have had a...um...diverse...um series....of adventures...usually involving some sort of loss of skin, dignity, bodily fluids, credibility, patience, currency or time.  When we travel, we are now generally prepared for the worse....we carry five or six currencies, two medical kits and large amounts of chocolate.  We have maps and cellphones.   We have multiple redundant security checks and code words.  We are equipped like the NAVY SEALS, people.  However...we were totally unprepared for what was to happen.

Our Kratong was the BEST Kratong...

Here's what happened:

The two buffet meals were good and no one elbowed anyone out of the way in line.  The food was fresh and there was plenty to go around.

The guides were pleasant, informative, and went swimming around the boat during the "free kayak time".  They seemed to be relaxed and playful.  They knew quite a bit about the area and wildlife and were willing to share it.

The Kratong launch went on schedule in luminescent waters and the group was actually silent during the ceremony.

As the evening progressed, The YRC staff became aware that everyone on the trip...was having a good time.  It was a very unfamiliar sensation, but we are pleased to report, there was only one small injury and it was not a member of the YRC staff.   As the saying goes, "and a good time was had by all."  On that cheerful note, see ya next week!

Oh, Phuket, Let's Go to the Beach and other Adventures...

Howdy ho, and welcome back to the well-rested and tanned Yellow River Chronicles.  First, apologies for the two week "miss" on the YRC.  As a way of explanation and general excuse making, let the YRC staff just say that the time was well spend and we'll tell you ALL about it in the future weeks.  And, as a part of that, today we're headed for southern Thailand and the famous island of Phuket.

For those of you not familiar with Thailand, there is a  strip of the country  shares a peninsula with Burma.  Once you get past that, its Thailand all the way until you run into the northern part of Malaysia.  Phuket is noted for its beautiful beaches and also for being ground-zero for the 2004 Tsunami.  The coastal areas seem to have recovered well and it's back to beach business on Phuket.

View from window of hotel in Montepulciano

We had an experience in Phuket that is similar to something the YRC staff have been experiencing more and more in our travels, particularly in Southeast Asia.  Every once in awhile, we step through a portal into an alternate universe.

No this not the "free pour" Sangria night at Maya's on Julu Lu. This is the classic "I don't think we are in Kansas anymore" moment.

These are not the historical moments, when one goes back in time (Kyoto and parts of London, Rome and Paris) and has an overwhelming sense of history.  They are not the lyric moments as in the hills around Montepulciano or in the Sea of Cortez where the beauty of the moment rolls over you like a warm wave.

Would you like to try our Padd Tai Burrito special?

No, these are the moments where you step through a doorway and enter what seems to be an alternate universe.   A bizarre, alternate universe.

It started with a 2 a.m. flight from Shanghai to Phuket and then hurtling by hotel car through the late night Phuket scene to arrive at a hotel that was so big it should be a separate country.  The place was so big (How big was it?) that they had caches of food and water on the paths in case you were lost and starving to death while trying to find the Spa.  (Where is "C" wing?  C WING!!!)

On a late-night taco walk to a Mexican restaurant on a Thai beach..it happened.  The YRC staff stepped past the statues of frogs dressed like Mexicans, the unique Thai/Mexican motifs (Thai colors, Mexican patterns) on the tapestries, and the three-piece Thai band singing mariachi songs in Spanish.  We reclined at a two-top with beach view, ordered up a couple of Caribbean margaritas (??) and scanned the room.  There was something strange and familiar about the people in the restaurant with us...something familiar....and wrong (cue sinister Thai Mariachi music in background).

No amulets for you here, Tovarich

And as we opened the menu, the feeling became stronger.  Where were we?  Who are all these large, pale, rude people?  Where is our basket of Thainachos with lemongrass salsa?

The menu was in three languages....english, spanish and....can you guess the third?  It was Russian...tovariches (rhymes with um...witches).

What is russian for taco?  It is лепешка!  The alert YRC staff surmised that we had not escaped Moscow!  The Russian zombie-cab drivers and friends had stalked us along the Trans-Siberian, lurked in the borscht-joint alleys in old Shanghai, and then POUNCED like a poached sturgeon in Phuket!  

The restaurant was full of Russians, singing Russian songs with the Thai band, ordering Mexican food in Russian and generally being....Russian.

Courtesy of Business Report Thailand

The next day as we strolled in search of amulets and other sacred trinkets, we saw Russian signs everywhere, Russian prices, Russian bus tours, Russian kayaking trips (Row Tovarich!  ROW!) and, yes, Russian restaurants and bars.  What was going on?  Why had the Russians invaded?   You can Google it (or check out this link: click here for the background on Tovariches on the Beach)

But the YRC staff does field research, people.  Investigative journalism.  Ya CHA!  We decided to ask a local, and the conversation went like this.

Tailor outside one of the many tailor shops in town.

"Excuse me, I notice you have signs in Russian."
"Yes, you want suit? I'll make it for you, top quality."
"No, thanks.  I live in Shanghai and the tailors there basically make suits for free.  Do you do a lot of suits for the Russians?"
"The Russians.  Ha. They are too cheap.  Money. Money. Money.  That's all they care about."
"So, the Thai's don't like Russians much?"
The Tailor stops and stares.  "I am not Thai.  I am from Burma.  All tailors here are from Burma."
"Oh...do you like Mexican food?  ...never mind."

<Cue balalaika music.  Fade to black>