Greetings dear readers and welcome to back to the Yellow River Chronicles! This week the Three Buddhas, content in the knowledge that they have Taken Their Pictures Standing in Front of Important Things in Cambodia, head to the mysterious and ancient Bangkok.
We are going to take our little spin on the catwalk and start the column with a contribution from YRC's Senior Music Editor: Murray Head's "One Night in Bangkok"
So, that is what people THINK Bangkok is all about. Tattoos. Massages. Happy Endings. Transvestites. Massages with Happy Endings. By Transvestites. Truckloads of fresh picked ganja rolling down the streets with bales falling off. Back packers on the banana trail. And, chess, according to Mr. Head.
But people, you SO BAD! The Three Buddhas will tell you what Bangkok is really about: Beef Panang. Pa-nang. Tom Yung Gong. Guay Teow Lui Suan. Gang Keow Wan. Paad Thai. And of course, coconut pancakes. We at the YRC staff would now like to say that we are hungry. We would KILL for some Kao Niew Ma Muang right now. Seriously, people. Hellooooooo? Sherpa's? Sherpa's Home Delivery?
It must be exciting for you to watch a column MELTDOWN before your eyes. (Sniff) It's...the voices. The voices say....the paad thai will be delivered in 40 minutes.
Okay, so back to the three Buddhas in Bangkok. (Say that three times really fast).
It was in Bangkok, standing on a steet corner, that the Three Buddhas had the One Great Idea for the Trip.
Why? Take any three post-alpha males, drop them in the middle of a city and they will, rather than coelesce into a fighting unit, begin to bicker about directions. It goes like this.
Buddha A: I think that is the Grand Palace over there.
Buddha B: (Looking at a map). No, we are here, so it is over there. (Points in opposite direction.
Buddha C: Guys, I know I was here over two years ago and I don't remember much of the trip, but it should be in the same place. And that is not here. It is over there. (Jabs finger at map)
Buddha A: That's the Grand Palace. It's over there.
Buddha C: That's a Thai House of Pancakes. It's OVER THERE!
Buddha B: (Still looking at map). It's over there. (Pointing in a new direction).
So it was there, tempered by fire and borne of desperation, that the Road Rules were Forged:
The Team Buddha Road Rules:
Everybody has a job. There are three jobs. Trip Leader, Navigator, and Negotiator.
The Trip Leader plans the agenda for the day and makes the decisions on where Team Buddha is going and how long TB is going to stay there. HE can accept ideas from the whiners, if he feels like it. His decision is final unless it involves proximity to beer or paad thai. Then a majority vote can overrule.
The Navigator takes the itinerary and navigates. The other team members must drink a tall, ice-cold glass of SHUTUP, no matter how f*cking obvious it is that the restaurant is the OTHER WAY. His word is final on all matters of how to get there. No smirking. No commentary. No whining.
The Negotiator handles everything else: reservations, buying tickets, negotiations, conversations with police, and any and all team interactions with the world.
He also is the tie vote in a showdown between the Navigator and the Team Leader and decides who the Team Leader is for the next day.
And while there were some constitutional challenges and general cheating, we rolled through Bangkok and back to next week's column, Team Buddha Hits Shanghai. And we hope you will roll along with us!
We are going to take our little spin on the catwalk and start the column with a contribution from YRC's Senior Music Editor: Murray Head's "One Night in Bangkok"
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| Floating market 10 minutes by boat from downtown Bangkok |
But people, you SO BAD! The Three Buddhas will tell you what Bangkok is really about: Beef Panang. Pa-nang. Tom Yung Gong. Guay Teow Lui Suan. Gang Keow Wan. Paad Thai. And of course, coconut pancakes. We at the YRC staff would now like to say that we are hungry. We would KILL for some Kao Niew Ma Muang right now. Seriously, people. Hellooooooo? Sherpa's? Sherpa's Home Delivery?
 |
| One Day in Bangkok |
Okay, so back to the three Buddhas in Bangkok. (Say that three times really fast).
It was in Bangkok, standing on a steet corner, that the Three Buddhas had the One Great Idea for the Trip.
Why? Take any three post-alpha males, drop them in the middle of a city and they will, rather than coelesce into a fighting unit, begin to bicker about directions. It goes like this.
Buddha A: I think that is the Grand Palace over there.
Buddha B: (Looking at a map). No, we are here, so it is over there. (Points in opposite direction.
Buddha C: Guys, I know I was here over two years ago and I don't remember much of the trip, but it should be in the same place. And that is not here. It is over there. (Jabs finger at map)
Buddha A: That's the Grand Palace. It's over there.
Buddha C: That's a Thai House of Pancakes. It's OVER THERE!
Buddha B: (Still looking at map). It's over there. (Pointing in a new direction).
 |
| Ganesha thinks the Palace is over....there. |
The Team Buddha Road Rules:
Everybody has a job. There are three jobs. Trip Leader, Navigator, and Negotiator.
The Trip Leader plans the agenda for the day and makes the decisions on where Team Buddha is going and how long TB is going to stay there. HE can accept ideas from the whiners, if he feels like it. His decision is final unless it involves proximity to beer or paad thai. Then a majority vote can overrule.
The Navigator takes the itinerary and navigates. The other team members must drink a tall, ice-cold glass of SHUTUP, no matter how f*cking obvious it is that the restaurant is the OTHER WAY. His word is final on all matters of how to get there. No smirking. No commentary. No whining.The Negotiator handles everything else: reservations, buying tickets, negotiations, conversations with police, and any and all team interactions with the world.
He also is the tie vote in a showdown between the Navigator and the Team Leader and decides who the Team Leader is for the next day.
And while there were some constitutional challenges and general cheating, we rolled through Bangkok and back to next week's column, Team Buddha Hits Shanghai. And we hope you will roll along with us!
 |
| The Reclining Buddha Always Knows Where He Is Reclining |
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